Changing Times

Chapter 8--The Nerves

I stumble out of my mom's room. I don't know who's side to be on, should I trust the failents and save Sophie or should I stay close to my mom, cause there's obviously things I do not understand.

I have to focus and get ready for the interviews, one step at a time.

I'm doing my interview very last because I'm the youngest (by 2 minutes.) This means I have some time to prepare. I walk to the bathroom and look into the mirror. My face is pale and my cheeks look very read, like I've gone on a long run in the cold. My cheeks are always red, when I blush my entire face looks like an apple. I'm aware of how sick I look. I hadn't realized it but my bodies been taking a beating lately. Every bone in my body is sticking out of my small frame, I try and remember the last time I really ate. With all of this stress I've been unable to eat anything without feeling like I'm going to throw up.

I'm become very clammy, this always happens. I've never been a great public speaker. I still remember in grade 6, I had to read a speech to the public like one of us has to do every year on our birthday, this was my first year of doing it and my very last. The last couple years Bella's done it. Anyways, I went up on stage ready to address my audience and thank them for being such well behaved citizens, and I panicked, I looked out at the thousands of people and couldn't speak.

I ran off stage in tears and then threw up in the curtains in front of everyone.

I wonder if I should tell Bella about what is going on. Maybe then she can deal with it, not me. She's much better at dealing with things than me. But I know I shouldn't, she'd probably tell mom and honestly I don't trust mom anymore.

As I'm looking in the mirror my stomach churns and I feel sick. I lean in and throw up in the sink.

“Ahh,” I say out loud to myself. I have to be on stage in like 5 minutes.

“Talking to yourself again?”

I jump and turn around to see Brendan's teasing smile.

“What are you doing here? You know this is the girl's washroom.”

“A washroom for just girls? What is this place? In the tunnel we just find a nice corner to do washroom stuff.”

“Eww you're so gross.”

“I just came here to make sure your doing alright and not going to bail on us. As I can see your not doing well.”

He points at the sink and all of a sudden I realize I've been standing here talking to him while my barf is in the sink.

I stumble over to it and begin cleaning up and brushing my teeth. Brendan's silent for a while.

“I can't do this, I can't go in front of all of these people. I can't speak, I get scared, I'll screw up everything.” I realize I'm crying. I don't want to cry, it's a sign of weakness.

“You're stronger than you think.” Brendan says. He looks right into my eyes. I feel like he can see my soul, like he know exactly who I am, when I don't even know that.

“I want to help you, I really do. But I'm going to screw up, I always do.”

“Don't do it for me. Do it for your dad, he lost his life for this. He was killed because of this. You owe it to him, and Sophie. Not to the failents, we can go on living in the tunnels forever, but you owe it to your family.”

I look away from his hopeful eyes. I don't want him to believe that I can help. He reaches in and hugs me. His body is warm and for a guy who lives in a damp tunnel he smells very good. His hug feels good. It makes me feel calmer, more hopeful. Maybe I can do this.

“Addie, Addie. Where's Addie? It's time for the interview.”

I here my mom calling from outside the door.

“I have to go.” I say.

“You'll do fine, and if you don't the interview does not mean everything, you can still win the election.”

We both know that this is a lie. The election means everything. Whoever comes across most confident and well spoken will be the leader. The public will vote soon and they will only voting on what they say in this interview and the test scores. I can't screw up. I can't.