Lonely ( Ticci toby x reader)

Chapter eight

( im sad and i started sobbing while writing this. Im going through some shit, but hey lets turn pain into art. Not edited at all, enjoy the raw emotion)

Tim eventually left, and you decided to go to bed. It was around 5 or 6 am, and you could barely keep your eyes open. You crawled into a cold bed, and you shivered lightly, grabbing onto tobys old pillow.

You pressed it into your body, and dig your face into it. It didn't smell like him anymore. It was weird, but it just smelled like nothing. You signed, feeling sad but not destroyed.

It didn't hurt much anymore. Just a dull throb in your heart, that only hurt when you think about it. You closed your eyes, and drifted off. You thought about your life if this didn't happen.

You thought about graduation.
What would that have been like?
You had good grades, do you think you could have made honor roll. Maybe got into a good school.

What would you have studied? You thought about it for a while. You were always interested in animals, maybe you would have done something in zoology?

You thought about it some more. One time someones parent who worked at the zoo in the next city over. She said how much she loved it, how she traveled while in her undergrad, and how she saved so many animals she lost count.

You smiled and drifted off into pleasant dreams. Maybe it wasn't too late for you.

Maybe it wasn't too late.

...

You had that dream again.

The one where you wake up in your bed at home. Its 6:30 in the morning, and you had school at 7:30. You stretched, cracking the joints in your arms, wrists, and ankles, sitting up. You checked through your phone, mentally trying to wake up.

15 minutes pass and you get out of bed finally. Its cold, and its still kinda dark outside. You flipped on some lights and made your way downstairs. You flipped on the lights in the kitchen and made some coffee.

You waited for it to brew, before pouring yourself a cup and heading back upstairs.
You collected some clothes, and made your way to the bathroom.

You turned on the heater, and laid your clothes out on the counter next to you. You turned on the warm water in the sink, and tied your hair back. You washed your face and brushed your teeth. Got dressed and did your hair. All while taking sips of coffee here and there.

You did your routine that you did everyday for as long as you could remember. There was something comfortable about it. You liked doing the same thing everyday. It never bored you, it was comfort to you.

You poured some coffee into a thermos, put on your backpack and locked the back door behind you. You headed off towards the bus stop. It was overcast, freezing and it smelled like it was going to rain. You signed and waited at the stop, praying that the bus would come soon.

You listened to your music, and scrolled through a book on your phone. It was too cold to read, you kept shivering and your fingers were too cold to work well on your phone. You signed and shoved it in your pocket. You held your thermos in your hands and held it up to your lips for warmth.

You sipped on the coffee slowly. Man, how lovely coffee was. You remembered the taste so vividly. It was pleasantly bitter, warm and just calming. The warmth ran down the inside of your throat and chest. How long has it been since you had coffee?

The bus pulled up to you, and the door openly loudly. You couldn't hear it, but you felt the vibrations. You walked on and found a vacant seat, you sat down, placing your thermos between your legs. Then suddenly, a tiredness just washed over you, and now it was almost impossible to keep your eyes open.