Unnatural Instinct: Fallen

11.

The time is now. My master's voice rings in my ears.

While you slept peacefully, he left you behind to talk with me. Here, on one of the many balconies of his castle, he leaned against the stone banister as we gazed into hell.

'You think she'll bend to you so easily?' I asked.

'She's a woman,' was all he said.

'And what if she doesn't?'

'Then I force myself on her.'

I hesitated as I stared out at the view. A great rumble echoed through the earth, making the balcony shake.

'Will your transition still work without her consent? Don't you require the power of her sin?'

'She only needs to like it. And she will like it. It's in her nature.'

That was hours ago. Since then, he's returned to you.

My mind should be on the future. I should be filled with hope. The time of the angel is nigh. At any moment now, you will unite with my master and all that we've been working towards will come to pass. I glance up at the seething sky. Through there is the way to Earth. What was once your home will be ours. God has great hopes for the Apocalypse but so do we. He will not get his souls; we will take them from him.

We will take you all and make you pay.

In the distance a blast of steam and ash billows into the sky as a volcano erupts, vomiting molten lava down its blackened peak. One of the damned bellows in horror and pain somewhere from far down below.

I rustle my wings at my back, trying to keep my mind focused, but it's no use. I keep thinking back to you. I keep thinking of the way you looked at me as you were sprawled on the floor. Have you heeded my warning? Or are you already now in the arms of my master?

If you are, it's your own fault. You should be stronger. You be should be better than the rest of mankind. I rake my fingers through my hair. Why do I feel so sick?

I turn back to face the castle, looking up into the sky where its upmost point disappears into the swirling clouds. My master built all this from nothing. I was with him from the start. We, the Fallen, who were once so close to God.

You are nothing.

You are nothing.

Against all my good sense, I find myself walking back into the castle. My thoughts are raging. I tell myself to keep away. I remind myself where my loyalties lie. And yet my feet keep moving against my will.

The few brothers left in the castle watch me as I walk by. I ignore them, though I feel their curious gazes like a prickling against my back. My wings rustle anxiously in response. Do they know what I'm thinking? Do they know my fears and doubts? Is it written clearly on my face?

If they don't know, my master will know soon enough.

I take a detour to the room my master has allocated as your servery. The angel who makes your food watches me curiously as I take up a jug of wine.

My feet thud loudly in the empty corridor. The floor seems to lurch beneath me, but I know it's just my fears playing tricks on me. It's been a long time since I've felt such turmoil.

I reach your door and stand in front of it. My master is in with you. I know because I can see his angel light gleaming around the edges of the door. I hear you. You're making noises of pleasure. It makes me wince. Have I come too late? If I've come too late I should stop right now. To disturb my master now will still mean your death along with my destruction.

I would be a fool

And yet, I raise my fist. Even as I rap my knuckles against the door, my mind shouts in revolt; my body cringes. It almost feels as though my wings are shrivelling against my back.

The noise inside stops. As I listen to your quiet movements, I imagine what's happening on the other side of the door. I can almost picture my master's frozen face. I can almost see him perched above you, his body stiff with surprise. Then there comes the rage. I can see him turn away from you so you cannot see his contorted face as he peers back at the door in fury.

He will be suspicious. Betrayal, deception, treason—all of these thoughts will rush through his mind.

I care what he thinks; I love him just as much as I fear him. And yet it's not enough to force me away. I reach for the handle. I don't turn it immediately, giving my master time to make a plan. Will he confront me as your 'protector'? Will he escape back into his room? Will he give up the entire pretence and destroy me in front of you?

So many things could happen. This could be the last decision I make before he reduces me to a pile of ash.

I twist the handle and step inside. My master is no longer with you. From the corner of my eye, I see the tip of one of his golden wings vanish behind the tapestry. I pretend not to notice.

You're on the bed. I glimpse the large, soft nipples of your breasts as you hastily pull your torn slip back together. You're panting, your cheeks are flushed and I can see that what's left of your slip is clinging wetly between your legs.

'What do you want?' you say fearfully but not as fearfully as I expected.

I hold out the jug. 'You should drink.'

'I already have wine.'

You pout your bottom lip as I refill your cup. When I'm done I stand beside the table, still holding the jug as I watch you. Now that I'm here, what do I do? There is so much to tell you. How much to tell you? My eyes keep flicking to the tapestry but you don't notice, your gaze lowered to your lap. For a long time I just stand there, watching you, long enough that you squirm in discomfort.

Finally, I set down the jug of wine and step close to your bed. You look up, eyes widening, and scramble away from me to the other side of the mattress. 'What do you want?!' you cry.

'Sh!' Around the room, the candlelight flickers. 'Know your enemies,' I repeat in a whisper. This time I look meaningfully at the tapestry so it cannot escape your notice. I look back at you. You're clutching at the blankets, so pale it's as though all the blood has drained from your head.

I raise my voice so my master can hear, though useless now it is to keep up the lie. 'I only want you to do as I command. Eat. Drink. Do not defy me.'

Then I turn and leave. I make sure the door bangs shut behind me. Glancing towards my master's room, I can almost feel his rage seeping under the door like a shadow, like black smoke reaching out to choke me.

It fills me with dread. It makes my heart sink. All is lost now. What have I done?