Still Alive [R]

Chapter Three

***RESTRICTED CONTENT WARNING!!!!!***

You know how clown cars look so small on the outside and no matter how hard and long you think about it, you will never figure out how those clowns ever fit themselves into that tiny vehicle? Well that's how Tony's "apartment" is. How is this apartment so big? Beats me, but hey, I'm not complaining.

"Make yourself comfortable," Tony smiles, shutting the door behind himself and ushering me into the kitchen. I stumble into the room, leaning against the counter as Tony opens up a Nutty Butty Bar.

"Want something to eat?" Anthony asks with a sweet smile. I shake my head slowly and watch the counter.

"How about something to drink?" He questions, taking a chomp out of both the bars of peanutbutter, chocolate, crispy goodness. I shake my head briefly.

"Okay then, suit yourself, but if you change your mind, just tell me," Tony says, taking another chomp out of his candy bar. I look up at him slowly.

"Do you have a shower?.... I mean is it okay?...Can I take a shower?" I mutter nervously. Tony grins, his eyes dancing with amusment.

Chuckling, he says, "yeah, sure thing. Follow me," watching him throw away his empty wrapper first, I follow him through the livingroom, down the hall and into the room at the end of the hallway. Standing at the doorway, i watch Tony ruffle through clothes then go to his closet. He turns back to me grinning, then hands me a pair of black boxers and a white, oversized t-shirt.

"Thanks," I murmur and he leads me to the bathroom just beside his room. I nod my thanks and tip toe on in, shutting the door behind me, I turn on the water and strip my clothes off piece by piece. Stepping into the be shower, I lean my head back slightly, letting the hot water wet my curls. Humming a tune, I begin to sing,
"I feel so numb,
stating at the shower wall.
It's begun the feeling that the end has come,
and now the water's cold.
I tried to eat today but the lump in my throat got in the way,
in this time I've lost all sense of pride,
Iwon't say goodbye.
If I hear your voice I'll be fine."

Salty tears mix with the hot rushing water

"And I,
I can't come alive,
I want the room to take me under,
Cause Ican't help but wonder,
What if i,
Had one more night for goodbye?
If you're not here to turn the lights off,
I can't sleep,
These four walls and-"

I am cut off by a voice calling my name through the bathroom door.

"Birdy? Everything okay?" Tony asks loudly, trying to raise his voice over the water.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine. Be out in a minute!" I call out. Quickly running conditioner through my hair I rinse off all the soap and turn off the water, jumping out of the shower. I wrap a towel around my tiny frame and look at the clothes that Tony had given me. Getting another towel to dry my hair, I look myself in the mirror.
"You discuss me," I scowl at my reflection, looking slowly down to my arm which is scared and cut up. Taking a razor from the counter, I put it to my wrists, digging it into my skin letting out a small whimper in the process. Letting out a relieved sigh I put the razor back where I found it and quickly use a tissue to wipe up the beading blood. I swiftly examine the cut, it's deep but that doesn't mean anything to me at this point. I throw on Tony's clothes and take a brush to my hair, then crap open the bathroom door, tip-toeing out. "Well, well, well! Look who decided to join the rest of the world!" Anthony smirks. I try to hide my wrist behind me, just hoping that he doesn't try anything funny with me right now. "Hey, wow! It sure is cold in here.... I'll just borrow this!" I fake a huge grin, spotting a beige jacket. Tony chuckles as I throw it on then stand there looking around awkwardly. He pats the bed roughly, "Have a seat." I comply and sit at the bottom of his bed, crossing my legs. "So, talk to me," Tony says, looking me dead-on.

"Talk about what?" I asks in a sassy tone.

"What's going on with you and your dad," He says matter of factually.

"Oh," I look down at my legs. "Well, my mum committed suicide five years ago when I was about nine because my father abused her.. Now he drinks, smokes and blames me for the death of my mother," I shrug like it's nothing. Anthony notices the distant gaze in my eyes and crawls toward me, pulling my body into his warm embrace. He holds me for the longest time, a weird kind of silence swallowing us.

(A/N: Hey everyone! Chapter three! I'm so sorry that I haven't been updating but I just got my wifi back so I'm here loves! Kinda a gruesome chapter but okay..?

Love every single one of you! 

-HMASxxx)