5SOS OT4 ONE-SHOTS (Luke-centric)

You're my painkiller when my brain gets bitter

Thank you for reading this, I'm going to start posting more regularly now, probably 3 times a week.

Title from "Painkiller" by Ruel 

-x-x-x-

Luke wasn't feeling particularly loved. He knew it was foolish and irrational but that awareness did nothing to dampen the feeling; in fact, it added to his misery because now he felt like a clingy shit. His band members were on their respective phones; Michael on the beanbag, Ashton and Calum draped over each other on the couch. Luke had gone to shower because it usually helps to take his mind off things. Usually. But today, even when his fingers were wrinkled and hair dripping wet, his mind still had no peace.

Luke knew what he wanted. He wanted somebody to tell him he was beautiful, needed that validation that he was someone's reason to live, needed a kiss, a sweet touch, a sincere good morning, and most importantly, he needed his boyfriends to care enough to notice.

They didn't; no one batted an eye when he entered the room, not even a smile sent his way. He encircled the living room, shredding water despite knowing how much wet floors annoyed the boys; if he couldn't get love, at least he could get someone to yell at him.

A minute into it, he huffed, returning to his room.

The other three would have noticed, had they not been so absorbed on Twitter. Often, we can care so much about people we don't even know the real names of, yet forget to pay attention to those right next to us.

"They're just talking to our fans, making sure they're okay" They had made it clear that Luke was getting no consolation from them, so this was what he had to do now, make himself believe everything would be alright.

He reached for his reflection. "You're being annoying, can't you see they're busy? They're doing this for the band and the fans and all you care about is yourself."

His body heated up, this wasn't going to end well. Glaring at his straggly hair and the dark circles under eyes that were a shade too cold; not warm, cozy brown like Calum's, or with the endearing, mischievous glint that Michael's had, or even the caring hazel shade of Ashton's eyes. His were penetrating ice, currently collecting tears.

"Who do you think you are huh? The world doesn't revolve around you and you have no right to think the boys will spend all their lives thinking about how you feel and making you happy and taking care of you so stop being so needy and get dressed before you get them late for practice!"

The glass shattered, making the others rush in. Desperate to avoid an explanation, Luke glanced at the clock. Oh no, they were going to be late!

"What the...Luke!" Michael rushed forwards, only to be herded back by Luke; he pushed them out, and the tears in, hoping it wasn't too conspicuous that he was balling his eyes out seconds ago.

"What is happening Luke?" Calum banged on the door and Luke rushed, maybe Calum was angry that they were late. But Luke knew it wasn't that.

"I'm hurrying, you should too!" At this Calum frowned but went to change anyway, not wanting to upset Luke more than he already was.

Nobody mentioned the elephant in the room during the car ride to the venue. They should have; Luke needed it, even if he didn't want it at the time.

"Hey, look at this!" Ashton scrolled to a comment under their latest performance at Firefight Australia. It read -

Normal people : Youngblood, say you want me, say you want me.

Luke Hemmings : Yongbluh, saiyuwami, saiyuwami.