His Marshmallow

One

"You have been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn't worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.-" Louise Hay.

*

MAISIE

MY ALARM WENT off and my eyes slowly opened. I stayed as I was for a while, just staring at the ceiling and letting the alarm continue to ring. I probably looked like someone totally at peace on the outside but I was freaking out on the inside. School was starting today. A heavy sigh escaped my lips as I reached over to turn off my alarm. I sat up and stared at the date displayed on my phone to confirm. It was indeed today –the beginning of my senior year. I just had to endure and survive one more year then I could say bye to that hell hole. I consoled myself with that. With that thought in mind, I got out of bed and decided to get ready for school.

I'd never liked going to school. I don't think I'd ever enjoyed a day in school. I couldn't mention a moment that I had a nice day in school ever since I started high school. Even when I had a friend in freshman year, I didn't enjoy going to school but yes, having a friend made it more bearable. Too bad she was a bitch.

I know you're probably wondering why I hated school so much. It was because I was a victim of bullying. People get bullied because of different reasons or in most cases, no reason at all. But I got bullied because of something I barely had control over. I got bullied because of my size, and my body type. Yeah, I'm one of those girls referred to as "big" or "fat."

Do you know what it feels like to be constantly reminded of something you hate the most about yourself? Like someone constantly pointing out your insecurities? That's how I felt every time I went to school. They'd make fat jokes, tease me, play pranks on me and call me different types of degrading names; and generally just do anything that'd make me feel bad about myself.

The past three months had been blissful because I didn't have to go to school but it was finally over and I had to go to school for the next few months. I could already imagine all the things I'd have to endure but I'd decided to not be pessimistic. I was actually hopeful.

As someone that read a lot and watched movies and TV series, I'd seen a lot of stories where something life-changing happens in the main character's life. You know, like falling in love, getting into your dream college, and so on. I was also hoping that senior year would be my lucky year. My last and best year. I wasn't asking for much really. Just for senior year to be okay. Just okay, nothing more. It would have been ironic for someone like me to wish for a fairytale – getting a boyfriend, having my first kiss, and all that. I mean, who would want to date someone like me? Even if I initially believed that someone would, all the things I'd heard people say over the years would have changed my mind.

If it was possible, all I wanted was to be invisible this year. I just wanted to be someone that nobody gives a fuck about. I believed that was the best thing that could happen to me.

I stood before my mirror after getting ready for school. I stared at my reflection. The reflection I badly wished wasn't mine. I was wearing loose jeans and a flannel shirt. I always tried to show as little skin as possible so you can imagine the type of clothes I had in my closet. I didn't wear skirts because I thought girls like me wouldn't rock them. Neither did I wear shorts.

I hated that I had stretch marks. I hated how big my thighs were. I hated the love handles and cellulite that came with being a fat girl. I hated that I was the biggest girl in my grade. I hated the fact that I had to shop for my wear in a different section in the store.

I hated that I didn't come to the world in a better and more presentable body. A body that people wouldn't judge and make fun of; a body more acceptable by social standards. I didn't like the life I was given. I could go on and on about the things I hated about myself and my life in general.