40 Days of Quarantine

Day 4

I remember when I was six years old my family went to Four Corners. My parents had been staying on the pavement, taking pictures of each other with an arm or leg in each state, but I was not interested. Being a little boy, I wanted to move. I took a look around and charged off into Utah. My parents immediately took off after me and brought me back. I asked them if I could really run into any place if I ran far enough. They said yes. I remember saying " I wish I could run faster, then I could run all the way to Grand Canyon." I felt so free. I could choose any direction, and I would arrive somewhere interesting and see so much. It overwhelmed my six-year-old senses. Now I feel the exact opposite. I feel totally trapped.

The worst part of it? I'm alone. I can't pretend it's not getting to me. I wish that they would at least quarantine people together. I really don't feel like making up places to go in my head, because then I'll start thinking about other people and I don't want the possible pain that would come with that. But isn't it worse feeling lonely? Humans have a knack for doing what is worst for themselves. Maybe I'm wiser for not even considering, because when you realize that others are not there, doesn't that just bring more disappointment? I'll have to figure all these things out for myself. That's part of growing up. My mother always said that the kids these days just never grow up. They will be 18, 20, even 30, and they still seem to think they're little boys (and girls, but since I was a boy and the lecture was aimed at me, I assumed she meant boys.)

I was always the slightly dysfunctional kid, eternally in 'emerging adulthood' ( the fancy way of saying, still in teenage identity crisis phase). Not exactly abnormal, still able to be cool and collected most of the time, but a little weird. Everything from my name to the dated TV shows I watched to my hair. It's dark brown and curly, but I wanted it to grow long because I thought long hair looked cool, but it ended up looking too feminine with the curls, like a pretty lady that looked a little like a boy. It all came to an ultimatum when one of my friends tried to get me to use hair straightener, and I refused to go that far on hair because I was a boy dammit, so I just cut it short and gave up the 'biker' look forever. To this day I look like a punk cupid with an oversized nose.

Wow I must be truly depressed if all I can talk about is hair. As it is, it's so hard to come crashing back from distraction that I won't even try. Heavy metal music would be appreciated right now.