Ticktock Love

[6] Dead Students Society

There are times in your life when you're absolutely certain you've entered a parallel universe, and nothing that transpires next could convince you otherwise.

Of course, at first you're not sure how exactly you found yourself in this strange dimension. Maybe you jumped into a rabbit hole. Maybe you came across a suspiciously big wardrobe, and a faun awaited you on the other side. Maybe a jet engine crashed into your bedroom while you were sleeping, and the universe decided to give you one last spin to make up for it. But the logical part of you has to question it first before you decide to simply roll with it.

Seeing my best friend donning tight black clothes and surgeon gloves, all the while keeping a lackadaisical cow on a thick-braided leash, was without a doubt one of those moments.

"Please, Amber, tell me I'm hallucinating," I implored her for an affirmative answer. "Tell me this is just a side effect from that energy drink I had half an hour ago, and there's not an actual pasture animal behind you."

I looked at the being in question, half expecting her to speak up and explain herself. Instead, the cow shook her head – the way most cows do, not because it possessed spectacular telepathic abilities – and Amber gave me a sheepish grin. My mirror of disillusions shattered. I could already see the morning papers, the two of us meekly posing for a two-part mugshot, a pair of perfect scapegoats for the newspaper headlines.

"You brought a cow along. A freakin' COW."

Amber raised her arms in defense, and my eyes fixated on the fuzzy rope which hung loosely from one of her hands. "She's halter-broken!"

"Why does that even..." I stopped. After turning my head left and right to inspect the empty street, I strode toward the unusual duo and lowered my voice to an angry whisper. "That's not even remotely the point I'm trying to make here! What were you thinking?!"

The words that came out of her mouth did nothing to soothe my worries.

"It's the perfect prank, I'm telling you. We seat the cow in Jeffrey's chair, take a selfie with her, and then bring her back home. He will be none the wiser, and we'll have a story to tell for ages." Pride flickered on her face. "I've had it planned since we were freshmen, and I thought, why not hit two birds with one stone?"

"That's your innovative plan?" I squinted. "We could have just photoshopped the cattle in the background."

"Well... the original idea was to leave the cow inside his office, but we can't have that, can we?"

An owl hooted, and I said nothing.

"I mean, I guess I could have decorated Jeffrey's office in Hello Kitty toilet paper or put his stuff in Jell-O, but where's the fun in that? That's basic."

"Where's the fun in that indeed," I croaked.

I was very, very close to calling the whole thing off, and all I got was an apologetic smile.

"I guess I didn't think this through properly. I got a bit excited."

Deep breaths, I ordered myself. The longer we stood there, the better the chances a random passer-by would notice a humongous animal accompanied by two disguised girls and blow our covers, and I had no desire to get arrested before we even entered the school grounds.

"Just tell me one thing. Whose cow is it?"

Amber hesitated. "My old neighbor's. I used to play on his dairy farm when I was a kid, so I knew where he kept his emergency keys."

"I think I'm getting a brain aneurysm," I mumbled, my eyes closed as I massaged my temples.

"Relax," Amber extended her hand toward me and accidentally dropped the rope. She quickly crouched to get it as I leaned on the metal picket fence that surrounded the school territory. "Baby won't give us away. She won the Cow Beauty Pageant last year."