Icon of the Indecisive #3 of 3 (COMPLETE)

Chapter 8

I had to admit, people became less impressive, the more I knew about them.

Sometimes I would see into a person's thoughts of love, and would find something unexpected and special—like popular guy Jake Lalisan being so smitten over shy Kathy Martin. He saw something in a girl that so many people overlooked, like Kathy had a glow about her that everyone else was oblivious to. Experiencing that was an amazing thing.

Or maybe it was because it was my first project as Interim Goddess, and I was romanticizing it too much. Because I would soon find out that not everyone handled their thoughts of love with that kind of depth.

Like, some people you'd think were so smart? So lost when it came to love. Or surprisingly shallow.

"They're teenagers," Quin told me when I once complained about it. "Nothing becomes something. Or sometimes, everything."

Easy for him to say. I happened to be a teenager too. I wondered if he just had that much disdain for everything I was thinking.

But there were some people who were awesome, even as I discovered more about them. Ms. Farrah Flores, Ford River's guidance counselor, for example. As a scholarship student, I had to work off my service hours in her office, but she wasn't super strict unlike other faculty. Young, and an actual graduate of the degree program I was studying, she treated me sometimes like a protégé, and other times a friend. During our "friendly" talks she opened up to me/the Goddess and I picked up on her own love story with her now-fiancé Ben.

Opening up to the Goddess makes one devoted to her. Me. Ms. Farrah was one of the persons who would do anything I asked.

Her mode that Monday morning though was neither friend nor mentor nor devotee.

"Hannah, sit down," she said as I stepped into her office, her voice tense. "Is this true?"

She pushed a paper printout on the table toward me. I didn't recognize it, but when I gathered my bearings I saw that it had my name on it, one column listing all of the subjects I was currently taking, and another column of numbers.

"Absences," I said, reading from the top of one column.

Wow. I didn't realize they would have a detailed record of it.

"I'm allowed nine hours for each subject per semester," I said automatically, the same thing I told myself. Every time I cut a class. Apparently, twenty-two times.

Ms. Farrah was not happy. "Yes, I see that you've planned each absence that way, so you don't hit your limit for each subject. But that doesn't excuse the fact that you've missed class twenty-two times this semester—and it's not even over yet. So I checked, and noticed that you owe me three hours of work here at the guidance office too. Is there something wrong? What's happening?"

I gripped the armrests of the chair and didn't like how they felt. They were cold.

What's happening? I wasn't cutting class to hang out at the parking lot and smoke. I had to deal with actual problems. Like when I took off to take an hour-long flight to Sol's hometown to save her from her boyfriend. And other Interim Goddess business.

"I'm just...adjusting to everything," I said. "I'll make up for it. I'll work extra."

"Does this have anything to do with your new friends?" Ms. Farrah asked.

"What new friends?"

"I notice you've been hanging out with the juniors and seniors more. They have their own cliques and you don't need them to be accepted on campus, but you know that, right?"

That was the oddest thing I'd heard her tell me. "I know that."

She shook her head. "You'll tell me if they're bullying you into doing things, right? Because it's not the first time that I've had to deal with a sophomore being ordered around by seniors."

"That is not happening, I promise. You've really got it wrong."

"Have I? Because we don't allow any kind of participation in this kind of social group, Hannah. Even just joining that kind of organization could get you sent to an expulsion hearing, but for sure the scholarship is lost first. Do you understand me?"

"Are you talking about a fraternity?" I said, and with honest-to-goodness shock. Fraternities weren't a big deal in other schools, but they were an f-word in ours. Over here they were associated with violence, had been for years. Too-intense initiations showing up on local news, plus a school-wide campaign against bullying, and it became cause for disciplinary action just to be associated with one.

Wow, Ms. Farrah was so off.

"It doesn't matter what it's called, Hannah," she said, "you know we won't allow anyone to even try to participate."

"I'm not joining a fraternity."

She looked at me like she was a teacher, which was so strange, and I tried to keep my eyes wide and innocent. She caved first.

"Well then," she said, "You still have some work to do to keep your scholarship. Definitely put in extra hours here, and I'll see what I can do for your other classes."

"I really would appreciate it if you talked to my other teachers and tell them that I'm fine, no need to punish me."

I said this slowly, carefully, hoping that the devotee in her would hear.

"Yes I will, Hannah," she said. Obediently.

I smiled. "Thanks, Ms. Farrah."

Yeah, she was awesome.