Icon of the Indecisive #3 of 3 (COMPLETE)

Chapter 12

With the question of whether I was pregnant with a half-god baby out of the way, I got to experience my first school day as someone's girlfriend.

It was awesome.

You think I'd be less giddy about it, because I also knew the many ways that having a boyfriend could suck, especially when you were young, and in school, and in the middle of nowhere like us.

What was interesting was what I discovered about myself, on this, my first day of being with a boyfriend.

Yesterday's Hannah, Hannah Before Boyfriend, wondered why couples flaunted their togetherness too much on campus. Even with my firsthand peek into their hazy, hormone-filled thoughts, I always thought they could at least control themselves when other people were present.

Today's Hannah, Hannah Technically With Boyfriend, couldn't care less about what you, random person, thought about her hormones. Robbie's hand on the small of my back, just that light touch, made me feel all warm and comforted inside, but jittery and electric at each point of contact. So it felt this way for everyone? No wonder they kept wanting it. It was so strange and addictive. I took his hand, and touched his fingers, and found a way to clasp them together.

I knew it gave him the exact same feeling. I knew it. It felt great to know I was doing it right.

So we did that in front of everyone who was on campus that morning, and that pretty much announced it—Hannah and Robbie were together.

And I didn't care.

He walked me to every class. And it didn't feel like he had to. I knew he wanted to. He was talking about this really bad movie he watched on TV last night, and it was a conversation that took place ten minutes at a time, between three classes. I didn't care. As soon as I got out of my classroom our hands would connect again, and by lunchtime we had a routine. Hand, kiss, breathless "hi." I liked that sequence the best.

* * *

Later he asked me if I could have dinner at his house. Like, with his family.

I was supposed to have dinner with Tita Carmen. At least I said so when she asked me this morning if she should make enough for both of us. As Robbie said this, I was facing my locker, deciding which books to take home, and maybe if I kept looking there, I would have told him that.

But instead I faced him, and noticed that behind him, in the distance, on the other side of the hall, was Quin and Ms. Cabral. They both had their bags, like they were ready to go, and together they turned in the direction of the parking lot.

"Yes," I told Robbie, with a huge smile on my face. "Yes, let's have dinner at your house."

* * *

Majalia, Luretta, and Sheila. They were beautiful and similar, understandable because they were sisters, so I couldn't really tell them apart.

"There's going to be a quiz," one of them said, laughing. "You should have taken notes."

"Robbie said he had a lot of sisters," I said, to no one in particular. "Three isn't a lot."

"Oh we're not complete yet," Majalia (maybe) said. "We're just the losers who don't have plans tonight."

"And still live at home," Sheila (maybe) said.

"And still live in the country," Luretta (maybe) said.

"But we're also very, very curious, because Robbie has never brought a girl over before."

"Never?" I acted surprised, but yes, I knew that. Nothing Robbie had ever felt for other girls matched what he felt for me.

"I was starting to give up on that school," Majalia said, "We keep hearing about the wild things the rich kids are doing there. Didn't think he'd find someone normal."

But I'm not so normal either. "Is Robbie pretending to be a nice guy? He's a wacky one over there too," I joked.

They liked that. They laughed and poked fun at their little brother all throughout dinner, and asked me so many questions that I actually only got to answer half, because they were talking over each other. It was a noisy, happy household, something I never had, and it kind of explained why Robbie was so well-adjusted.

They weren't poor, by the way, I learned as I walked into their five-bedroom house. He was in Ford River on scholarship because Ford River was wicked expensive. So, like me, he grew up with all the comforts of home but his parents just couldn't come up with full tuition. His other siblings had to go to school too.

But they had two cars, and a big TV, a wide selection of movies and music, and one laptop per household member. As far as I could tell.

Robbie's dad had a hearty laugh, and his mother had the job of telling everyone to pipe down and let Hannah eat. I wondered for a second what my life would have been like, if my parents liked each other more, if they cared to have more than one child, if we had more days like this one.

I probably would have liked Robbie on sight, and only him.

Those who want what they know they can't have, they probably just have an emptiness inside that they're hanging on to. Keep it empty, keep me incomplete. Who am I without it?

I wasn't going to be that person anymore. No more waiting.

* * *

After dinner was coffee, and after coffee Robbie excused us from the table, and then we headed up to his room. He locked the door behind him.

"Yeah, so. I'm really sorry about that."

"I expected something like it."

"No, I don't think you did."

"You told me about your sisters before. This was definitely a possibility."

Before I could figure out where to place myself in the room, he had scooped me up and dropped onto the bed with me. Our lips met, and it was hours since we last kissed, and we made up for lost time.

She's wonderful with them they really like her

She's beautiful

She smells great

I want I want

His thoughts were quick, the rhythm of them, the song of his heart... It was so real, and it was for me.

I'm so lucky

We both thought that. It wasn't the first time.

I gasped when his lips went for my throat, and he liked that. He liked it when I ran my fingertips through his hair and down his spine. His hand grazed the bare skin of my back, underneath my shirt, for a second and I shivered, not unpleasantly, and he liked that too.

I knew how far exactly he was planning to go right then (not very) so I wasn't afraid.

He liked that I didn't seem afraid.

"How long do we have before someone knocks and tells us to cool it down?" I asked.

Robbie laughed and sat up, bracing himself against a faded blue wall. He was probably at his most handsome right at that moment—he looked so happy, and rumpled, and mischievous. "I won't be surprised if they're listening out there right now."

I sat up too and let the bed bounce gently beneath me. I quickly fixed my hair, and straightened my shirt, and let out my breath slowly.

She's gorgeous

I can't believe she's here

"Thank you," I said, even though Robbie hadn't said anything aloud. I just thought he should hear it.