No Laughing Matter.

Chapter 18

Thoughts of leaving were swimming through my brain and the cubs seemed to sense the shift in mood as they were whimpering and trying to give their strength to me through our bond. I thought I was safe here in this pack with my mate and new friends too help me through anything that came my way but how could they help me if I was the problem. There was now something wrong with me, I was putting everyone in danger if I couldn't control who I now was and who I was connected too, the old spirit that resided within me was very strong and I could feel its immense dormant power.

I needed to do research, but I still had yet to master what was the language that this pack spoke and wrote in. I had been teaching myself and my cubs have had lessons with the pack teachers and were excited at the thought of starting school soon. I didn't want to rip them away from this new life they had begun to create, I could leave them here in the care of someone else but that didn't sit right with my instincts of family. I have bonded with these children over our time together and they were my last link to what was once my family, I couldn't leave them with somewhat strangers no matter how kind they appear to be at first glance.

What would become of my mate if I were to leave, we haven't marked each other yet so he could possibly find another mate if the rejection didn't kill myself or him. When a mate is rejected they can lose their animal soul, I had seen it happen in my clan and it wasn't pretty they were shunned for no longer being able to shift and because of us living in that form they were sent away to die in the harsh wilderness that was my home. I know I am beginning to love Thatcher and would miss him every second but would it be for the best or would myself and cubs be picked off like flies by rogues or nearby packs, I had no way of knowing the boundaries of nearby packs and prides nor the current rogue and loner shifter situation of these parts, so leaving would surely be a death wish if I wasn't absolutely careful. Would it be worth it? I knew what it was like to be alone and it had near drove me to insanity to have no one but the cubs, and now that two of the three had a human form it was even more dangerous.

Why was my life so full of these misfortunes? What had I done to deserve such treatment from the gods above, I had always attempted to be kind and respectful to the elders even though they hated upon me for my runt status? I needed to figure out what it was I was doing, and I needed to think fast. I would be running from my possessive alpha mate who may never cease looking for me or grow to hate me forever. My breath was coming in short bursts and my palms were sweating, I felt like I couldn't breathe, and my heart was going to pound right out of my chest due to all the stress that was now my life.

"Baby? Are you ever coming out of that room? The pack members want to see that you are okay now." Came Thatchers voice coming down the hallway, his voice soothed apart of me and allowed my shaking to subside but also made the decision I had to make so much more difficult. Thatcher opened the door and seemed to look around for me before spotting my crouched body on the floor in a group pile of my limbs and the cubs. He began to walk closer to me asking if I was okay and what was wrong, I couldn't respond instead I started to cry softly and looked away from his confused eyes.

"Hey, hey, hey baby what's wrong? Are you in pain still? Do I need to get the doctor, c'mon talk to me" My mate said as he gathered me into his arms and pulled me as close as possible to his large frame. The cubs pulled away from me and gathered once again around mine and my mates' body still trying to lend me their strength. The skin to skin contact felt like heaven and seemed to be the only thing that could quieten the thoughts racing through my mind. I attempted to respond to his previous question, but my mind wouldn't link with my mouth and the words wouldn't come out the only thing that continued was the tears streaming down my now flushed cheeks.

"Baby please talk to me I don't know how to help if you don't tell me what's wrong." Thatcher spoke into my hair before lifting my chin to face him and wiped away my tears.