You Can't Hurry Love

Chapter One

What is the true meaning of Christmas?

If you'd have asked me this at the beginning of the month, I don't think I'd have been able to answer you. To some people, Christmas day is the celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ, whilst for others it's a time to be with family, immersing themselves in the seasonal festivities. And for a select few they're just happy to have a couple of weeks off work and who can blame them!

Sitting around the table at our latest meeting this exact subject came up and none of us could contain our excitement as we all spoke about our favourite Christmas traditions, whether that be decorating the tree, finding the perfect present for a loved one or attending the best parties in town. The list was endless. And that got us thinking...for our next issue, why don't we see how many Christmas traditions we could fit into the month of December and review them all to see which ones were the best for getting us into that festive spirit, and where better to do that than the spirited and expansive city of London, piled high with hidden treasures around every corner.

Being the Christmas fanatic that I am I just had to do this and I felt myself whoop with glee when I was chosen to write not only the article, but this blog for our website. (And no, it wasn't just because I was given extra time off work to be able to do this. Even though, as I said before, I wasn't complaining.)

So where does one start when compiling a list of all their favourite things to do around Christmastime? The answer to that is sat in front of the telly, hot chocolate in hand and Home Alone playing in the background. And before you say anything, no I will not be drinking eggnog because if I'm being completely honest with you, even though I have tried so hard to like it, (really, I have) . . . I think it's gross. There's just something about mixing creamy eggs and alcohol together that doesn't sit well with me, so for all of you who like it, raise your glass and cheers yourself for having an appetite that's not the equivalent to a fussy toddler.

Right, I'm side-tracking . . . Christmas Traditions.

Did you know that in the Philippines they hold a special lantern display every year on the last Saturday before Christmas Eve which attracts people from all over the world? It's known as 'Ligligan Parul Sampernandu', which translates to 'The Giant Lantern Festival', and is competed by eleven villages to create the biggest and best displays. What started off as a small origami creation they lit by a candle has now grown to be the spectacle it is today, with six-foot lanterns covered by electrical bulbs which, when spun, create an impressive kaleidoscope of patterns.

If you think that sounds intriguing, wait until you hear how the locals of a city in Venezuela travel to their early morning mass.

Have you guessed yet? No? Well, let me tell you . . .

Roller skates!

Yes, you heard me correctly. This was one I was more than excited to discover. Every Christmas in Caracas, the residents all flock to the streets, which are closed to vehicles, so they can roller-skate to church in safety. It is said to be their festive method of sledding, which is impossible for them to do as winter for them can reach highs of above thirty degrees.

Sounds divine, I know.

And in Japan, it's estimated that around three and a half million people celebrate Christmas day with none other than a KFC. Three and a half million! Now there's a tradition I can get on board with. It's become so popular that you have to order your meal months in advance, and if you don't, well I hope you're prepared to wait in line for hours because apparently that's how long it's going to take to get served.

I would take any of these traditions however, over the one that belongs to Austria, where their beast-like demon Krampus roams the streets at night in search of naughty girls and boys who have misbehaved that year. I'm telling you, if you don't know what he looks like, go and google him. St. Nicholas' evil accomplice is absolutely terrifying!

Now as much as I would have LOVED to go gallivanting all over the world experiencing these incredible feats, and I tried hard to plead my case, sadly it just wasn't meant to be. So instead I focused my energy this month on things a bit closer to home, (and a bit more in budget.) Things like baking gingerbread houses, roasting marshmallows in Hyde Park and scouting out the best Christmas markets to find all those one-of-a-kind presents.

I will admit I thought to myself, slightly morosely I might add, 'Wouldn't it be great if I had someone to share this experience with.' Someone to hold my hand as we meandered down Oxford Street, admiring the extravagant window displays, someone to sit next to me as we cheered on my best friend whilst he performed his little socks off in our local panto, and that gets me on to my next anecdote of the day.

Did anybody see the photo's making the rounds online not too long ago of the girl who got herself stuck trying to escape out of a restaurant's bathroom window? Well folks, here's something to brighten up your day on this cold and dreary morning . . . that girl in the photograph was me, and it is NOT something I am proud of, believe me.

You may be asking yourself, 'Why Dottie, when you were supposed to be writing a Christmas blog to rival the literary genius of Charles Dickens, Mark Twain, Jane Austin . . . were you trying so unsuccessfully to wedge your above-average sized bottom through a window that, quite frankly, was always going to be a bit of a challenge to fit through in the first place?'

Well, I'm going to tell you, but I suggest you get yourself comfy. Grab a hot chocolate, or an eggnog (you crazy thing) and sit back, because you're about to hear the story of how writing a Christmas article for 'S.E.L.F. Magazine' ended in the most humiliating experience of my life.