Falling for My Old High School Bully (Complete)

Chapter 22 - Couples Therapy Continued

Axel was studying her eyes with a surprised look on his face. "Hearing you say you hate me just hit me really hard. I didn't expect that," he said with an exhale. 

"Keep going," Padma prodded. 

"I don't know what you want from me Emma. I've already apologized and told you it was the biggest regret of my life. That was all the way back in high school and I'm a different person now. You made mistakes back then too and I've forgiven you and moved on and let the past go, so why can't you? It's been seven years!" 

He exhaled in frustration, running a hand through his hair, breaking eye contact. 

He finally lifted his head and said, "How are we going to make a relationship work if you keep holding onto the past that can't be changed? I honestly don't know what else I can do."

Padma looked at him and said, "What is it that you want in this relationship Axel?" 

He looked into Emma's eyes and said, "I want you to trust me."

"Emma. What could he do to earn your trust again that he hasn't already done?" Padma asked.

She sat there thinking as she looked into his eyes, searching them for answers. She finally hung her head. 

"I don't know if he can," she said softly.

She slowly raised her head and saw frustration in his eyes. 

"What are you scared of Emma? If you trusted him completely again with your whole heart and let go of the past, what are you afraid would happen?" Padma asked.

"I'm afraid I would fall in love again and he wouldn't love me back," she whispered. Then she realized what she had just said. She had admitted she wasn't in love with him and this therapist was supposed to think they were an engaged couple. 

"I mean," she said, trying to backpedal. "I mean I'm in love with him. We wouldn't be engaged if I wasn't, but I'm still holding back part of my heart. I'm not completely letting myself fall as hard as I did before because I'm still scared."

The doctor nodded. "Ok. I have assignments for you both to do before tomorrow's session. Emma I want you to brainstorm and come up with a list of things he could do to earn your trust back, what you need from him to be able to give your whole heart to him again. Axel I want you to brainstorm and come up with a list of promises that you will make to her, things you will fully 100% commit to doing to earn her trust again. Will you both do that?" 

"Yes," they both said. 

"Ok. Before you leave today I have one more exercise I want you to do. Without saying a word to each other I want you to stare into each other's eyes for four minutes without looking away, starting right now," she said, clicking a timer on her watch. 

Emma looked into his grey eyes that were looking back into hers and she felt awkward, not able to hold back the little smile on her face. Looking into his eyes this close to him made her want to laugh. Just staring into someone's eyes and not looking away feels so uncomfortable and personal. Slowly her smile started to fade and she looked into those eyes and saw how they looked more light grey right now than normal and he had little specks of darker grey in them. 

He had long eyelashes that women would be jealous of and his eyes held some hurt and pain that he kept inside and didn't let people see. She had heard that eyes were the windows to the soul and she firmly believed that. She took a deep breath in and let it out, feeling herself relax a little and some of the tension from earlier was released. Looking into his eyes started to feel calming. She started to get a slight smile again as she gazed into them and felt butterflies in her stomach.