Destined

10

Yaz

18 years old

One week later, in Tokyo, Japan.

They were together.

The same line repeats in my head.

Every night when I lay in my bed or when I open my eyes. I think of it.

When I see Isamu I think of it.

Even now at Haruʻs funeral, I think about it. Theyʻre lowering him into the ground and Isamu is standing across from me. I thought papa would be angry when he saw Isamu, but he had just put his hand on his shoulder and squeezed. I thought this would make me angry, frustrated but it didnʻt.

My hair is a mess and I have bags under my eyes but still I stare at the casket, lowering into the ground.

They were together.

Lyn squeezes my hand.

They were together.

She hugs me and Iʻm limp in her arms.

They were together.

She lets go of me so I can sprinkle dirt on his casket.

They were together.

I grab a handful of dirt and watch it fall out of my hands.

Why didnʻt he tell me?

I sob a bit, turning away and walking over to Lyn who holds my hand again. Sheʻs a good friend and sheʻs here for me. She tells me Iʻm not alone. That sheʻs here and she wonʻt leave. I know John had told her to come home. Told her there was no alliance and that there was no reason to stay with the Kishimotos. But she disagreed.

Before we left the house in Los Angeles, I had grabbed the box Haru had given me when we were 12 and that's it. I donʻt remember most of what happened this past week but I get nightmares from that night.

And every time I wake up, Lyn is there. She hugs me and tells me over and over that sheʻs there. But one night she had to talk to her brother, who flew over to see her. So she doesnʻt know Iʻve been taking pills.

"Papa?" sweat is on my face, in my hair, as I enter his office.

"Yes?" heʻs sitting at his desk with a bottle of bourbon next to him.

I walk to him.  He sees how much of a mess I look, how desperate. He immediately stands and walks to me, hugging me close. A tear escapes from my eyes. "I donʻt know if i can take this." I whisper.

He seemed to panic a bit, kissing me on the forehead, "what do you need?"

I look at him, desperately, "pills," I whisper the word and his eyes widen.

"I donʻt think," he starts but I clench his suit jacket.

"Please," I plead and his face is tight as he pulls away and goes to open his desk drawer.

Lyn and I are getting in a car, and I shut my eyes, leaning my head against the window.

I open my eyes and watch Isamu get into his car.

They were together.

I squeeze my eyes shut, feeling the pill that I took when Lyn was not looking, start to kick in.