Destined

18

Yaz

24 year old.

Two week later, in Tokyo, Japan

I donʻt think I've ever felt this sick in my life. Iʻm so exhausted. Mei has called but I havenʻt been able to pick up. Haruʻs nightmares are getting worse. And I woulnʻt be surprised if it was because of how horrible I look.

My hair is messy and there are defined bags under my eyes. My skin looks sickly pale and my face is hollow. I keep forgetting to eat. I have a doctor appointment today because I donʻt want Haru to get sick if I am.

I donʻt think I looked this bad even when I did drugs for weeks. I had tried to put concealer on so i donʻt look horrid but it only worked slightly.

Iʻm trying to brush my hair when I hear Haru shouting. In a panic I dropped the brush and ran out of my room towards Haruʻs. He is sitting up in his bed, surrounded by blankets, his head is down. I could tell he had a nightmare by the way he looked as if he had been sweating.

"Mama,"

He whispers the word over and over.

"Donʻt go, Mama!"

My heart breaks all over again. I wrap my arms around his shoulders and he automatically hugs me back. I hold him closer, tighter, rubbing his back, and he crys in my arms.

"It's okay,"

I whisper over and over.

"She left," he cried, "I want mama."

I brush his hair with my hand, "I know," tears are streaming down my face, "I know."

I kiss the top of his head an hour later. He seemed to have calmed down. He hadnʻt left his room since his mothers burial. I pull away from him and he tryʻs to hold onto me, "come with me."

Heʻs hesitant but follows me to my room, his hand in mine. I grab a picture frame sitting on my desk and show it to him.

"Mama." he says, touching the picture of me and Lyn smiling, out arms slung over each others shoulders.

I nod, "Itʻs me and your mama." The door is open and I can see Akasuki and another guard standing outside of Haruʻs door.

Kneeling down, so he and I are almost the same height, holding the picture out to him, "do you want it?" His red eyes widen and takes the picture from me, looking down at it. I graze my hand against his cheek, "your mama loved you so much. More than youʻll ever know."

He hugs me, his arms going around my neck, I close my eyes, hugging him back. Sniffling, he says a muffled thank you.

Pulling away, I ruffle his hair, "I have a doctors appointment, okay? Toru will take care of you." I say pointing to the guy on the other side of the door. Haru nods hesitantly and I stand up, walking toward his room. He runs into his room and sits on the rug, placing the picture in front of him.

I make eye contact with Akasuki but look towards Toru, my arms crossed, "are you good with kids?"

He stands straighter and doesnʻt look me in the eyes, his face blank, "I have a younger sister, maʻam."

I glance toward Haru, whoʻs putting earphones in his ears, "that's not what I asked."

He doesnʻt seem put off by my question, "I have experience in taking care of kids, maʻam."

I look towards him, sharply, studying him, "try to get him to eat something, he hasnʻt eaten anything today. Talk to him and listen to music with him, he likes that. And wipe off that blank expression, you look stupid. It will scare him."

He seems put off for a second, then nods.

I grab his face with my hand, roughly, "Look at me when I speak to you."

His eyes slightly widen but he says, "yes, maʻam."

I narrow my eyes, letting go of his face, still looking at him, "If I find out you are even slightly mean to him. Youʻll find out that I can be so much worse."

He looks me straight in the eyes, "yes, maʻam. I understand."

I turn away from him and he walks into the room being impossibly nice to Haru. Turning to Akasuki who gave me a questioning look, his arms crossed. I walk past him and he follows me.

"Did you have to be so harsh on him?" He asks as we walk down the stairs.

I glance back at him, "what do you mean? That was me being nice." I say and he shakes his head.

We make our way to the car and when we get in, he drives me to the doctors office. He parks across the street and is about to get out but I stop him. "Wait in the car."

He hesitates but doesnʻt open his door to follow me when I leave, heading towards the doctors office.

Itʻs thirty minutes of the doctor asking me check up questions when she asks, "do you mind taking a few tests?"

"Why?"

"Itʻs just to make sure that youʻre healthy." Sheʻs writing things down on her clipboard.

I nod and she runs a few tests then finally she asks the question that I was asked a lot throughout my teen years, "Can you pee in this cup?"

My eyeʻs widened because it was a bit unexpected. She sees my expression and hurries her explanation, "Mr. Yama called in and told us about your past. We just want to make sure-"

I cut her off, "Mr. Yama?"

Her eyes widen at my tone, "Heʻs just concerned about your health. He is family after all."

"He is not my family." I say, glaring at her. God, how dare he. The audacity of that man!

The doctor gives me an expectant look and I sigh, running my hands through my hair, "yeah, fine, Iʻll do it." My anger fizzling out, exhaustion pulling at me.

She hands me the cup and I go to the bathroom. After Iʻm done, I hand her the cup, then I sit down and she leaves the room. Twenty minutes later she walks back in, "youʻre clean but," she writes something down on her clipboard, "Did you know that youʻre pregnant?"

My eyes widen and it feels as if my exhaustion had left my body.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuckidifuck.

We didnʻt use protection. Iʻm so stupid.

"By the look on your face, Iʻm guessing you didnʻt know." She writes something down on her clip bored again. Yeah, no shit. And what the fuck are you writing on that clipboard?

"I expect that you donʻt know what to do right now, so you can call me with your decision on what you want to do whenever you decide."

When the appointment is finished, I walk outside and stand there for a few seconds.

Out of all the fucking people, he had to get me pregnant.

I kick a lamp post and immediately regret it, hopping backwards, in pain.

"Fuck that hurt." I say under my breath. Fuck, what am I going to do?