Til Death... [Chan]

11

When I woke up, Chan was stretched out beside me and had kicked the comforter off of himself in his sleep. I looked at the nightstand where a clock told me that it was 9:57 pm. I groaned and forced myself to get out of bed. I needed to shower.

My feet hit the ground, and I felt freezing cold. I had forgotten I was naked, and I covered myself with my hands as I sprinted down the hallway to my room.

Just like earlier, there was a mess needing to be cleaned between my legs. This time, though, it was a mixture of both of ours'. The reminder that I could be pregnant had my heart pounding in my chest. I wasn't ready to be a mom. I didn't want to have a kid. I didn't even want to be married despite how nice Chan had been so far.

I began to hyperventilate and my head rocked back and forth. I put my cheek against the cool tile and closed my eyes, letting it ground me.

"You're safe," I whispered to myself. They were the same words Chan's been repeating to me all day. I really wished I believed them.

I finished bathing but wasn't ready to leave the warmth of the shower or to return to whatever came next for Chan and me, so I sat down and let the water fall over me. I leaned back against the tile and relaxed, allowing my eyes to close as I inhaled deep breaths that smelled like my cherry blossom shampoo.

"Phi?" I heard someone call out, and my eyes snapped open. "You okay?" Chan called from the other side of the door.

"Umm... yeah," I replied back feeling dazed.

"You've been in there for hours, baby. Are you sure you're alright?"

Shit. I'd fallen asleep.

"I'm good!" I shouted.

I turned off the water and dried myself off. I nearly jumped out of my skin when I saw Chan in my room sitting on the bed. He'd already showered as well and his hair was still damp. He looked beautiful.

"Ummm...can I have some privacy?" I croaked awkwardly.

"Oh, sorry," he blushed and left the room. I briefly wondered if there'd be a day where I would want him to stay.

I pushed the thought aside and changed quickly. I  joined him in the living room where he was sitting quietly. The TV wasn't on, his phone wasn't anywhere in sight...he was just staring at his hands in his lap, twirling his thumbs.

"What time is it?" I yawned. I had no idea how it was possible that I was still tired. We'd just slept for half the day, and I'd just napped again. 

"A little past midnight," he muttered.

He sat back and extended an arm behind the space next to him. His eyes pleaded with me to fill it, so I did. I let him wrap around me the way he'd been doing all day. I still wasn't sure how it was possible that I felt so comforted by the presence of someone I barely knew.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

I took a deep breath, unsure of how to answer that question. "I don't know."

Chan shook his head, unhappy with my answer. "I tried. I really tried, Phi, to make it less scary for you," he apologized.

"I know you did, Chan. And it worked...for a while," I cuddled into his chest.

"I'm sorry about my father."

I looked into his eyes, so he'd know I was being honest, "That's not your fault, Chan. There was nothing either of us could've done."

"I know but..." his voice trailed off as he tried to find some way to resolve what had already happened.

"It is what it is, Chan. This is a situation we've both been forced into."