Caged | The Hunger Games AU ✓

xxi ½. illusion

twenty-one and a half - illusion

- - - ➳

"we have to find her," i breathe frantically, eyes wide and crazed. my vision swims in front of me and i release matthias, my hands digging into the dirt because i need something to ground me. the treetops swirl and blend together. her cannon would have caught our attention; surely that means she's still alive.

"thalia–"

"she could be anywhere!" my heart beats erratically in my chest, thumping so fast and hard i think it will give out on me. my hands shake so violently they vibrate. the breaths escaping my lips are short and quick, but i still feel like i'm suffocating. why do i feel like i'm suffocating?

"thalia, listen–"

"we have to stop her!" tears threaten to fall now and i choke on a sob. i can't breathe. my chest seems to constrict and prevent any air from coming in. my mind whirls with thoughts and images and i give myself a headache from thinking so hard. every sound sends an aching, pounding thud to my brain.

matthias grabs my shoulders, shaking me a bit and forcing me to look into his misty eyes. "thalia. there's nothing we can do."

i collapse into him, my face buried in his shoulder as i let the dam break and finally lose it. his arms go around my waist while i loop mine around his neck. my entire body wracks with painful sobs and misery, and i feel like i'm going to drown in the amount of despair i feel. it's like another organ has been ripped out of me, and i know i won't make it if i lose another.

"oh god." my words come out in strangled gasps. an enormous lump in my throat makes it nearly impossible to talk as the reality sinks in. "i c-couldn't hel-lp her!"

matthias holds onto me tightly, his fingers curling around my shirt. "some people don't want to be saved."

he lets me cry onto his shoulder until there are no more tears that can fall. when i finally calm down as much as i can, my body goes still and it's almost silent. the only sound is the breeze rifling the trees and my uneven breathing puncturing the serenity. the thudding in my head subsides to a dull ache and i can breathe properly again.

matthias is shifting his weight from foot to foot, swaying us back and forth and back and forth in a calming manner. i have started to accept it. carly didn't want us to save her. but i know a permanent scar will burden my mind when her cannon goes off.

i am exhausted and feel like i'm going to collapse from fatigue, but i know we have to move. the longer the games stretch on, the harder it's going to be. so i stand with wobbly legs and release matthias, wiping my eyes and checking to make sure i have all of my knives.

"what are you doing?" matthias questions, watching me with curious and concerned eyes as i grab his sword from the ground and hand it to him.

"hunting," i reply with as much enthusiasm as i can muster. i feel like someone has dumped sand into my eyelids and i know i will drop from sleep deprivation soon enough, but for now, i am awake and i should put that fact to good use.

matthias takes the sword and allows me to go first. i purse my lips and walk in front of him, wincing at the pain of the wound on my side as i do so. it will never heal while i'm in the arena– that much i know. it needs proper stitching and medicines, something i can only hope of getting if i can make it out.

i hear the crunching of leaves behind me and turn my head to order matthias to be quieter, then freeze. my feet stop as if they're cement and can't be picked up. my eyes go wide and whatever words i could muster if i tried become caught in my throat.

asher smirks back at me, perfectly healthy and breathing and alive. "i'm being careful, twelve. don't worry about me."

tears pool in my eyes. i don't know what to feel. why can't carly be here to see this?

"asher." his name comes out in a single whisper with the lightest of voices.

but then he looks confused. "what?"

i blink. he shrinks a few inches and my eyebrows crease together. his irises freeze to cornflower blue and suddenly it's matthias staring back at me and not asher.

"what? thalia, you have to keep moving."

i blink again. that was the weirdest thing i've ever seen. i could've sworn...

no. as much as i don't want to admit it, asher is dead. he isn't coming back. i watched him get stabbed and the hovercraft took his body up to oblivion. asher halloway is never coming back.

-

the animals are becoming scarce. since carly and matthias had the pack stolen, we have no supplies except for our water bottle. he has managed to hold onto that.

we hunt and search for approximately two hours until our stomachs are growling and we can barely make it a foot without feeling like we're going to drop. all we manage to catch is a rabbit, but i'm grateful we could get even that.

the thought of eating it raw makes us both want to hurl, so we make the tiniest of fires possible and roast it on a stick. the flames lick at it until we become too frightened someone will see the smoke and bolt a fair distance away.

finally, we are able to eat. we slump in the tops of the trees and split the animal evenly. since we previously had four people, we aren't used to having such large portions. but now it's just us two, and i can't help but feel like i'm empty and hollow without our other allies.

matthias feels it too. i can tell by the way he subconsciously looks to my right, expecting asher to be sitting there. one time he turns and starts to ask carly if she wants any extras, but stops once he realizes he's speaking to air.

the woods used to provide a sense of calming and security for me and roy. now i know i'll never be able to look at them the same way ever again.

if i ever see them again.

i resist the urge to hit myself. i can't have all of this negativity weighing down on me or i'll go insane. i need something to cheer me up, even just a little bit.

"matthias, talk about something," i order as i finish my pitiful meal.

his mouth pulls into a thoughtful frown. "like what?"

i shrug. "anything."

a few seconds later, he launches into tales of lands elsewhere and beyond and i automatically get lost in them. his deep voice guides me to clear rivers and peaks of mountains, to busy cities and neon lights. i feel the breeze in my hair and the hot sun on my face with the power of his words.

i close my eyes and listen to the sound of his voice as it carries me through the clouds and down waterfalls. he uses such amazing detail that i can picture everything he describes perfectly.

he finishes his last story with grace and i speak with my voice light and eyes still closed. "i'm in trouble, matthias."

i can't see him, but i can imagine the puzzled and concerned look on his face, the way his eyebrows draw in just like mine do when he doesn't understand. "why?"

i don't even hesitate in saying the words. "i care about you more than i should."

gif is thalia when she "sees asher"

________

i am trash this is really short and im running out of ideas pls help

also thalia is so sad and it makes me sad aw my bby

xoxo,

kristyn