The Law of Attraction [Chris Beck]

Chapter 17

"Patrick,

I don't want to hear your excuses, I don't even want you to write the words. In fact, I don't even want you to reply to this. And you probably won't, because why bother with the hassle that comes with typing out an email to have it approved and deemed worthy by NASA; they probably wouldn't even send it through because they know what happened. Yes, I had to tell them that my relationship had come to an end and prove to them that I was not going to be a problem to the mission. Yes, I had to have another psychologist talk to me and the other crew members to ensure I was okay. Now everyone on the crew knows that you cheated on me, and that I'm the girlfriend of six years you cast aside because of a bad thought. So thank you for that.

I apologize if I was hard to love. I get it, I became my work at some point during the relationship, and I couldn't pin point that to save my life. In the last year I became more and more infrequent at home, I talked to you about things you didn't care about, I was tired every single day after tedious hours of training to catch up with the other crew members who had so much more training than me. If there is a moment when I became someone you no longer wanted to be with, I don't need to know when it was, I just wish you had the guts to come outright with it. Maybe then we could have solved something. Although the more I think about it, the more I realize that you were hung up about a one night stand from a decade ago; you didn't trust me the moment I told you about that. I should have seen that clearer, but I was more excited about my amazing career opportunity than I was worried about our relationship. And that's because I trusted you.

If you're wondering, I saw a bright pink bra on the bed during one of our video chats. I thought of every possible and impossible reason for this, but came up with nothing that had any merit. I'm glad you slipped up, though, it opened my eyes to the relationship that had broken apart a year ago, maybe longer. I became too comfortable with you, and you with me. Perhaps we were trying to find something in one another that neither of us could give the other. Although I am not happy with how things ended, and how you accused me of something I never considered, I forgive you. I'm glad we've finally reached an end that should have come before I left on this mission.

I just wanted one thing cleared up, but I realize that I may never know the answer, and that's okay. You practically asked me to marry you while that pretty pink bra was in the background. Why would you ever suggest such an outrageous idea? Is it because you knew my stand on marriage was that it is a waste of money and time? You knew I would say no? Were you trying to scare me into leaving? Or maybe you were just guilty and thought that by asking me to marry you it might make up for what you had done?

I'm sorry I was hard to love.

I wish you only the best.

Alice."

"So?" Alice had chewed her nail down to almost nothing.

"You're really good with words..." Johanssen breathed. "Relationships and me, we're aren't exactly the closest of friends. I can't imagine what you were feeling typing this up."