The Law of Attraction [Chris Beck]

Chapter 20

 Alice had just finished a two hour conversation with a heartbroken and distraught Lewis. It was impossible to tell from seeing her continue to command the crew over the last week since Watney was declared dead. Everyone was beginning to pull themselves together, but Alice was truly seeing each and every one of them breaking. Whether it was a continuous sadness in their eyes, or a slouch to the way they sat, walked, ate, did anything, she saw it all and had to address it in the right time. Having five people to address was tough for just one person, and to do so in a private manner where no one else would interfere; it was the hardest thing that Alice had ever had to do in her entire life. No training, no simulation, no exam, nothing compared.

But to her surprise, she was not ready to snap. Lewis had given the command that everyone get back to the science assignments, that they continue to go about the scripted day to day endeavours. Alice, however, had been given Watney's tasks. Most of them were simple, some of them she had to divert to his "how to" book that he had made up in the situation he was unfit (or "too dead" -his words) to do his tasks. The tasks were important not only to NASA, and they stressed this with each message of consolation. But they were also important to the crew members; had they nothing to they would simply grieve for longer periods of time. With nothing to distract them, it would have been even more painful and to Alice, that was unfathomable.

They had been given three days off of small tasks, but of course no one could simply take a day off from directing the Hermes back to Earth. Every day, there were things to do. But now with the assignments back it was as if they were being forced back into a pseudo-sense of normalcy. Alice had twice communicated with the psychologist on Earth to compare methods and tips on how to deal with the situation. They were mostly on the same page with it all, but Alice knew the crew better than the other psychologist and told him that she knew what was going to be best for them.

Having wrapped up a conversation with Lewis, she began to grasp the guilt that the commander was facing; she'd been the one who had to call for Launch, making her the one who left him behind. Beck had confirmed him dead long before she made that call, which should have eased her conscience, but it didn't. She was struggling with it, but the Commander was made of steal. Realizing that Lewis was struggling with the call she had to make, Alice knew she had to talk to Beck about making the call on Watney's life. She had heard the whole thing, and since Watney's death, Beck had been keeping quiet and to himself since then. She knew when being alone was meant for grieving, but there was a period of time where it began to become destructive. He couldn't bottle up everything for too long.

Alice walked to the Bio Lab where he would be doing his daily assignments; she knocked on the outer edge of the door even though it was let wide open. Beck looked up from the mouse he was holding; a tiny white critter, it's tail wrapped around his thumb. Alice smiled ever so slightly, and then made eye contact with Beck, "How are you doing?"

His lips pressed tight together. "As well as expected, I guess."

"We haven't talked yet." She leaned against the door way. "If you don't want to, I understand completely"