Love on the Scale

Chapter Thirty-Three

I leaned forward and looked through the windshield to the luxurious apartment we'd pulled up at. The moon reflected off the car, and a few people walked the sidewalks, but there was a general hush surrounding us. Neil turned the car off, and leaned back in his seat, staring straight out the front window, blank.

"Neil?"

He looked at me as if for the first time, like he'd forgotten I was there with him, and some life faded back into his eyes. He looked back out the windshield, to his apartment.

"I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking. I didn't mean to bring you here..."

"It's fine, it's obvious you're upset. Probably best you don't drive too much."

The cold was beginning to seep in, and I held a shiver in, too worried about him. He wasn't looking at me properly, and there was an odd, distant quality to his voice, I'd never heard before. I wanted him in as normal an environment as possible, so he didn't hurt himself or others. "Why don't we go up to your place? I can make you something to eat, and you can rest... it that okay?"

He nodded, but I wondered if he'd heard what I suggested. I got out and came around to his side, opening his door. He didn't move when I tried to pull him out.

"Neil, come on. Come on, you can sit inside."

"I shouldn't have brought you to that party, Christelle. I'm so sorry."

"It's fine. Come on, it's cold out here."

He listened that time, and emerged from the car; he took the lead and we walked up the concrete steps to the building. A doorman greeted us, tipped his hat and opened the door. Neil hesitated before we crossed all the way through, and turned to the man.

"This is Christelle, Manny."

The doorman's eyebrows raised, and he grinned. "Have I heard a lot about YOU, sweetheart. Boy doesn't stop blabbing about you. Said he thinks you're-"

"She doesn't need to know that. We're going up."

Neil dragged me through the lobby and into the stairwell, where we began the climb up. He'd never liked elevators, so I had to learn to climb up many flights of stairs. I didn't bother to complain anymore.

On the second flight of stairs, he stopped, and halted me too. His hands moved to my waist, and he leaned down, forehead resting against mine. "I never should have taken you to that party."

"Neil, come on. Let's keep going."

We make it up to his floor, and he walks us to his door. Where he stops again. "Christelle-"

"Open the door, and let us in."

He sighed, but complied, and flipped the switches on as we walked through. I spotted the kitchen and started towards it, but Neil grabbed my hand and dragged me to the couch, where he sat and pulled me onto his lap.

"Neil, you're going to hurt yourself. Let me-"

"I'm a grown man, Christelle. I bench weights heavier than you." He wrapped his arms around my waist and held me in place. "Calm down."

I just wanted to get off his lap. I didn't move a muscle, and he sighed. There was silence, and I realized the sounds of traffic weren't present. "Is this apartment soundproof?"

"Oh yeah, I made sure of that. I hate noise, especially when I'm trying to sleep."

I was uncomfortable, but I wouldn't move. Neil shifted, and I pressed my lips together. He let me go after a few minutes of strained silence, and I moved to the cushion beside him. He took my hand, and his large one engulfed my own. His eyes darkened.

"Chris, I want- no, I HAVE to apologize for my family. I wanted to believe they'd love you, but... I should have known better. The way they acted... what they said... I want you to forget every last word. You know I don't think of you like that. My parents..." He shook his head, and lowered it. I could no longer see his face.

I rested a hand on his shoulder. "Neil-"

"I should have known. They could have ruined everything. That's why I don't go home. I can't; it's chaos..."

He was rambling, frustrated and upset beyond belief, and I knew I had to take some action. He was losing it. In the kitchen I scrambled to find something I could either cook or pour for him. Behind a clear door, I saw alcohol of all kinds, and hesitated. That was dangerous territory; I'd seen his family's problems with the liquid. By the end of the party, they were all drunk. But Neil needed to relax, so I poured him a glass of straight whiskey, and brought it back to him.

He stared at the glass when I put it in his hand. "How will I drive you home if you get me drunk?"

I settled myself next to him. "Don't think about it. Drink."

His eyes hovered on the glass for a while, before he set it down on the coffee table.

"I can't miss any time with you." He turned and laid back on my legs. "Since you won't sit on my lap, I figure this should be fine, yeah?"

I smiled, and he did as well. His hand came up to my face and he pulled me down to meet him. Boundaries we'd yet to cross were approached. As I began to get nervous, he stopped, abrupt and unexpected. But he didn't remove his hand from it's place on the side of my neck.

"I'm not going to push you, don't worry." His grin soothed my nerves, his fingers stroked my skin, and I smiled back.

"Thank you."

"I've never been so into another person in my life," he mused. "You're an amazing woman, you know that?"

I didn't answer; I couldn't. What did you say to something like that? Thank you?

"I love you, Christelle."

My mind froze, shut down, and rebooted in a millisecond. Had I heard him right? I couldn't have. Alarm filled his face as he stared up at me. "Are you okay?"

I shook my head, and he sat up. It wasn't right, for his words to have caused such a panic in me. But they had. I didn't know what to do, what to say, my mind warred with my body and I ran. He caught me at the door.

"Whoa, hold on. Just take some deep breaths and talk to me-"

"I have to go," I mumbled, pulling from his grasp. And I did. I couldn't stay there any longer. I didn't know what would happen if I did. "I'm sorry, but I just... I have to go. I'll- I'll call you. I promise."

He had no choice but to let me go. I took the elevator down, not trusting my legs to support the long walk.