Never Again

Ch. 10

Peter's POV

The funeral was awful.  Everyone said such nice things about Aunt May and I just wanted to make them all shut up.  They didn't know her like I did.  They never said 'I larb you' to her or went to her when they needed help tying a tie for a school meeting.  I couldn't help but hate every nice thing people said about her, knowing she deserved to hear it when she was alive but probably never had. 

It took a while, but eventually Mr. Stark was leading me out to the car we would ride in to the cemetery.  It was quiet on the ride there, but I was glad no one tried to talk to me.  At the beginning when people had been coming in for the funeral, almost every single one of them had said 'I'm sorry for your loss'.  I didn't know half of them, but apparently May did.  Mr. Stark had access to that sort of thing. 

The preacher was saying something as they lowered her empty casket into the ground.  I didn't listen.  I was too busy trying to think up excuses for why I should be mad at her for leaving me or how it was her fault.  To have someone to blame for her death was comforting in a way, but not when it was her. 

"Come on, kid,"  Mr. Stark said.  He wrapped an arm around my shoulders, but didn't turn me away from the freshly covered grave.  I didn't even remember the service ending.  "It's been half an hour since everyone else left."  It has?  Why couldn't I remember that?  "Let's go home."  I couldn't go home.  May was dead and I couldn't go home. 

Mr. Stark tried to turn me away from the grave, but I refused to move.  He pulled me again, but I shoved him off of me.  I felt warm tears on my face and furiously wiped them away.  Mr. Stark tried to pull me away again, but I shoved him harder.  He stumbled backwards and raised his hands in surrender. 

"No!  I can't leave!"  I told him.  Mr. Stark just stood there but for some reason, that made me even angrier.  "You don't understand!  She was the only thing I had left and now she's gone.  I'm all alone and you just want to take me back to the tower so I can pack my things and leave!"  I yelled.  Mr. Stark crossed his arms, watching as I cried and screamed at him.  "I hate you!  You let her die!"  I screamed, pointing at him angrily and continuing to scream. 

Mr. Stark didn't say anything.  He just stood and watched me, letting me sob and scream at him for what felt like hours.  I wouldn't stop, knowing as soon as I did that we would leave.  Once we left, it would mean she was really gone and I wasn't ready for that. 

"I just want her back,"  I said quietly, dropping my arms after screaming at Tony once again.  I tried to wipe the tears off my face, but they just continued to come and I couldn't get them to stop.  I didn't have any more energy to scream, though, so I just stood in front of Tony and cried. 

"You ready to go, Peter?"  Tony asked softly.  He wrapped an arm over my shoulders and I nodded slowly.  I glanced back at Aunt May's grave and a new flood of tears began. 

Tony didn't guide me back to the car like I expected.  Instead, he just wrapped both arms around me and hugged me tightly.  I hugged him back, burying my face in his dress shirt and continuing to cry. 

"You know, my mom died when I was about your age,"  Tony said quietly, still hugging me.  "It was awful.  Worst thing in the world when the person you love most dies."  He hugged me tighter as I gave another sob, trying to calm down.  "But you know, I like to think I turned out okay.  I still miss her like hell on particularly bad days, feel like no one else in the world could ever understand me like she did, but then you come bounding in the room with that annoyingly bright smile and yell 'Mr. Stark! Mr. Stark!' in that obnoxiously cheerful voice of yours--"  I snorted, wiping my face as my tears stopped, but kept my face buried in Tony's shirt.  "--and I realize that maybe someone else can understand me better than I thought."  I hear someone sniffle and it isn't me.  I hug Tony harder, wanting to hear what else he has to say and he chuckles, rubbing my back.  "Losing someone like that sucks, kid.  But you made my loss better and I will do everything in my power to make yours better, too." 

I don't say anything and neither does Tony.  We don't move apart though and I'm glad, because I'm worried if Tony lets go of me, I'll start crying again.  So we just stand in the cemetery for a while, not saying a word.