Better Than Milkshakes, Better Than Boys (girlxgirl)

[6]

I'm in April's room, getting ready for her party, at her house, and for some unexplainable reason I'm shitting myself.

No. I lied. There is an explainable reason. That reason is Mackenzie.

I've known her a week and she has already managed to make my pulse race, my ability to form a coherent sentence disappear and every memory I have that proves I have a boyfriend, vanish.

And I hate it.

I hate that all she needs to do is send that small, irresistible smirk my way and my knees turn to jelly and I'm putty in the palm of her hand.

And my smart ass invited her to April's goddamn party.

Alcohol is either my best friend or my worst enemy. It raises my confidence and my sex appeal (so I've been told) allows me to loosen up and stop thinking about the stress and frustration that surrounds school and soccer. Alcohol let's me act like a teenager and I love it.

It also lowers my inhibitions and has the ability to make me act like a fool with zero responsibility, zero respect and can be convinced to do whatever the hell someone tells me to do.

Alcohol has gotten me in a lot of trouble in the past, and I think tonight is going to be one of those nights.

I finish putting on my false lashes, fanning my face so that the glue dries. My eyes flicker to see April dancing to the music she's blaring from her speakers, head banging to the Bon Jovi song that's making my ear drums hurt.

Thank god she's changing the music when the party actually starts.

I look back at myself just as April starts to fling herself around, her air guitar so physical that she's no doubt messing her hair up. I pull out my lipstick and carefully apply it to my face, my hands shaking slightly with my nerves. Truthfully, I don't even know what I'm nervous about. Am I nervous about seeing Clay, or Mackenzie, or hell even both? I don't know what I'm going to do or how I'm going to react when I see them.

It's all kinds of fvcked up that I feel this amount of lust for a girl and I don't even know if she's gay. I know for a fact that if I have enough alcohol in my system, and she shows me any kind of sign that she's attracted to me, I'm going to conveniently forget that I have a boyfriend.

I feel guilt form a ball in my stomach when my thoughts drift to Clay. Sweet, caring, funny Clay. He's downstairs playing pool with Derek and a couple of the football guys that bought all of April's kegs for this party. I've seen what he's wearing and he looks gorgeous, as per usual. He's wearing a pair of dark washed jeans, a white shirt and his letterman jacket. His dark, inky curls have been left untamed, hanging down over his icy blue eyes that always look so sad when they look at me.

He always looks so handsome, but he doesn't make my knees weak like he used to. He doesn't set my heart racing like he used to. Hell, when we kiss I don't feel those warm tingles that shocked me from my lips to my toes like I used to.

It's like we're both numb to it now.

April catches sight of my downcast expression and her head banging stops, her eyes searching my face with concern pulling at her pretty features. "Alex, are you okay?"

Faye, who was painting her toenails on April's bed with her head in her own little bubble, has now had her attention grasped. She looks at me and spins her finger in a circle, asking me to turn around. I sigh and do so, trying hard not to give away how internally screwed up I am. Faye and April have been able to read me since the moment we became friends. They have continued to tell me that I give it all away in my facial expression so I've been perfecting my mask, hoping they don't see through it.