Thoughts Of Me, Sorry.

The Boy

I am stuck behind this screen. It tells me everything you could have or would have been. As if playing catch, or dress up would have placed a wrap on these wounds that I'm bleeding from. Instead they slid from my arms to around my neck, tightening as it pulls me to the corner of my room. My slight reason to live is now the bondage that covers my mouth. I gasp, struggle to breathe, then relax under the weight. My shoulders broke not long ago, and all I had left was my chest. As each rib breaks and stabs farther into my lungs, I begin to relax. To the point were each snap and break echo through the dark, embedding the sound in the trees. the race to the end of the forest slows and dampens the air as it pinches through the hallows. And I take my last breath as a tear falls down my cheek. Why did you do this. Fuck, why did you do this to me.
I'm awake now, crimsoned sky's speak to my unfiltering mind. Magnetizing me to the electric fence, fuzing my fingers to the wires. I let go, and for a moment I have some fresh air, but then I look, and I see you standing there, the little boy, around age 10, he looks at me, and he asks where I have been, I grab his face and I tell him all about life. How he would grow up and learn all about strife, and the will to live is the will to learn, and I fucked it all up and leaned into sin. And I tell that little boy, it will never be about his luck. Because this world is cruel, and unforgiving, and it will take all that you have, and give you nothing but muck. But don't worry little boy, we still haven't given up yet. So he turns with fear in his eyes, and tries to mask a brave disguise. Knowing that boy so well I start to notice what I really didn't know about him. He doesn't know I just broke him. I kneel beside him and he faces me again, "you're gonna be okay." I say and he turns away again. I walk away, knowing there's no way I can destroy what demons I just forced into his head. I walk away, whistling, pushing away the dread. As i move forward the scenes change, as I move forward things are starting to dismay. Maintaining a kin to the once enjoyable world I forget I'm walking through. Steadily I gain my distance and I now trek through swamp, and just around this bend, I see you there again. This time different, and far from what lays in the past. Your eyes hollowed in, and smiles that just vaguely remind me of him, but it is you, cause you are him. He looks up, and he doesn't give in, 15 now, he's no longer 10. "Hey," he says unwillingly, as if his throat was made of rock. I no longer have to kneel for we are closer to the same stock. "Are you doing okay..?" I question, and he snaps back with all of his might, "I'm doing fine," and I shake my head to the right. I put my hand on his shoulder, and I look him in the eye. "Things are different now, it's time you give up on trying to fight, these people are good for you, and they are doing all they can. It's time you stand up and learn to be the better man." His eyes steep into mine and I feel his anger rise. And for just a split second, I can see the pain in those eyes. "Take a deep breath, boy can't you see, the world is shit and it is crushing in on me, but just because the world is tough, and hard to get through, it doesn't mean that we aren't strong, and that we aren't meant to continue. The darkest paths allow you to truly appreciate the light. And The darkest skies always have an end. So no matter what life puts you through, you will always be able to re-begin. So don't you see little one, life is a mess and each one of us struggle. And we continue to push forward and come to the end of each battle. As long as you give the effort, we will forever be able to tackle." I smile as I finish, believing in my speech and hoping in some sort of way he can find some peace. He breathes in, and now out, turns away, and begins to walk and I'm left here with my brain. I stumble away from the south and begin my trip back north. To where the mountains tower the sky, and it's harder to bear the cold. I walk into town, laying my head down low, cause failure is a man, and that man wears my coat. The past withers by and drains me to my core, my tank is empty now, and I have to go do much more. So I drag my feet and I start to fall down. Then just through my hair, I can see you standing there, On the balcony of a pink palace, Flaunting your world as if it wasn't made of malice. So I question you from just down below, your 17, and you think you world is slow. "Just wait little man, there's so much more to come. You will fall, rise, and then do it all again. So even when your on cloud 9 just remember where you've been." He scoffs at me and continues on his vaunt, I know to well that he doesn't care to listen, because those who are wise always cause the friction. Don't worry little man you won't see it coming, because in just a few months you will be where I'm sitting. In this world of lies and confusion, lying on your bed. Smoking a cigarette trying to clear your head.