Confessions of a Teenage Alcoholic

Chapter 11

Loving you is harder than breathing under water.
perry poetry

"Are you ok?" Lucy asks as more and more people start turning up to Jayden's.

We had had a really good afternoon, I actually swam this time, not afraid to be less clothed around my friends. But as most people came, I realised quickly what this was turning into and I sat up from my sun bed and pulled my dress from this morning back over my head.

"Yeah. I guess so."

"We can go if you want?" Lucy says and Nora agrees.

"We'd much prefer a girl's night in with you than another party round Jayden's." Nora says but I just smile reassuringly to them.

"It's fine." I say and look into the crowd of people. And out of habit, a habit I formed a year ago, and thought I had broken, my eyes search and meet Jackson's in the crowded garden.

As the house fills slowly, my friends make their way over to me, all of them, sitting around us and our sunbeds.

Jayden sits by my feet, Max next to him leaning his legs over to Lucy's. Lucy is next to me, but Nora and Jess are perched on the end of her sunbed, Luca and Jackson sitting on the one the other side to me. I don't really know why they all gravitated here to my side but I reassure them.

"It's fine, I'll probably head home soon anyway."

"I'm sorry, I didn't realise if I'd invite Dylan and that, that they'd invite others." Jayden says and I shrug.

I honestly felt fine, I was with my friends and safe by numbers no?

"You're shivering." Max says and I frown at him, bro why you exposing me for.

"I'm cold." I explain and smile when Jayden rolls his eyes. It wasn't even cold, but you know when you've been sitting in the sun all day and then when it disappears it's absolutely freezing?

"I can get you a jumper." He laughs and starts standing up.

"No Jay- It's fine." I state and meet his eyes. I don't want his hoodie, call me superstitious or whatever but I just can't. His hoodie is what I wrapped around me when I walked from here to the police station. I don't want it.

"I'll grab you a blanket or something." Jay explains and I just shrug. It's a bit weird to be sat here wrapped in a blanket isn't it?

Oh god this is going to be the first time I see people, other people from school.

I can't be all wrapped up like a weak burrito.

"I'm good I promise. Go, go party, it's fine." I laugh and wave them away, wanting nothing more than to just be Ivy at a party. Not whatever this was making me feel.

I should probably go.

Jackson and Jayden leave and Max moves to sit on Lucy's chair when Nora and Jess go to get us drinks.

Since when did Jackson attend parties? I mean I know this one just kind of happened but, I don't know.

"Ivy?" Luca says next to me and I turn towards him and put on a smile.

"Hey, yeah?"

"You don't have to be ok. I could drive you home if you want?" Luca says quietly and we both know I would never get in a car with him. Alone.

"I'm sorry, I just can't."

"It was stupid to say, I know. But I just wanted you to know, that you have an escape if you need it."