Just Me Again.

23: I Need Her

SILAS HARRISON

"You are not going to yell at me?" Mother asked as I silently drove to my penthouse, which wasn't far away. I didn't react to her and wordlessly parked my car. I unlock the door and stepped out. I glanced towards mom. She sighed before she slowly opened the door and stepped out of the car. I locked the car before I strode towards the elevator. I kept repeating Maria's words in my head 'Don't be rude to her.' 'Don't be harsh to her.' I was determined to ask her – what lies she tried to feed Maria after her health. I glanced behind me to see whether she was following or not. I huffed when I saw her slowly making her way towards where I was standing – too slowly. "Will you hurry up?" I asked her irksomely. She looked at me before walking faster – by the time she was beside me, she was already panting. I frowned and just when I was about to ask if she was okay. She spoke, "Silas – dear, do me a favor. I will not ask anything from you. Just let me talk to Marcus." She asked desperately.

I knitted my brows, "I don't know if he wants to see you and I swear to God, mom if you tried seeing him without his permission – like you did today. I will send you away immediately." I threatened her. Tears filled in her eyes and she gulped, "That's why I am asking you to let me see Marcus, Silas." She paused, "I – I want to go back. I want to go back tomorrow, but before I go back – I want to see Marcus, please." She pleaded.

I glanced behind her and sighed. Something was wrong with her. I wanted to know but not here. "Can we talk at home about this?" I asked her. She nodded and followed me in the elevator.

As we reached home, I was welcomed by Bear. He jumped and barked at me. I chuckled and rubbed his back. "I missed you too, Bear." I cooed. I glanced towards my mother smiling at us, "I didn't know you liked dogs." She commented. "I didn't." I replied honestly while scratching Bear beneath his ears, "But, Maria changed my opinion about dogs." I said and looked her smile falling off her face, "You know, she always wanted one, but I was such a selfish prick – I didn't get her one because I didn't like them. And now that I have one – I realized how stupid I was for not liking them before." I told her.

She was lost in thoughts. She chuckled while she was still zoned out before averting her gaze towards me, "I ruined my boy's life, didn't I?" she asked.

"Yes, you did." I could feel my eyes burning from tears. This woman standing in front of me was the most important person of my life – she was my hero, but she lost all respect when she destroyed my life for her selfish reasons. "And you know, what is the worse part?" I asked her. "I let you do it. I let you play with my life." I gritted out as a tear fell off my eye. "Now I wonder if I even loved Maria enough. I don't know how much I loved her then, but I can assure you that I love her even more now. And I can't have her. You might have made me push her away from me, but my love for her – it never died, nor will it ever be." I said and stepped nearer to her and looked directly in her eyes. "I love her so much that it hurts," I whispered before sniffing and wiping the tears off my face and stepped back.

She gulped, "I was so caught up with self-absorption then, that I didn't even realize that it was I that was losing you." Mom said in an undertone. "I didn't even realize that Maria was the one who was winning – I lost." She whispered.

"Lost – win! It was just a fucking game for you!" I yelled at her. She closed her eyes as tears fell off her eyes while Bear barked loudly. "My life was a game for you." I pointed my finger over my chest as I said in a hushed tone. Bear wiggled his tail before he ran upstairs. I gulped and pinched the bridge of my nose. "And what is it about your health? What did you say to Maria?" I asked after a pause.

She kept her gaze on me while she brought her hand over her chest. She gulped and looked away, "I – I am not well, Silas." She stuttered.

I frowned, "What do you mean?" I asked her.

She took a deep breath before looking back at me, "I wanted to tell you this before, but I couldn't – I came here because I – I don't know how much time I have left." Her voice wobbled. She was confusing me – what happened to her? Why was she talking like that?

"What do you mean by that, mom?" I asked her again.

Tears fell off her eyes and she took a shaky breath, "I have cancer." She sobbed. There, for a second, I forgot what she did to me. I forgot how much I hated her. My childhood rushed through my mind. How we both used to play, how she would help me with my homework, how she would make my favorite food each day, how we used to sit in the garden area in the evening and talk, how she would caress my hair when I couldn't sleep when I was a kid, how much I loved her before she disintegrated my life. My childhood – all the vivid moments I spent with her rushed through my mind.

"What?" I asked. My voice came out almost inaudible.

She pressed her thin lips together, "I – I have liver cancer, Silas." She said. "I am having hormonal therapy, and – and I didn't know if I would be able to meet my children again, so – so I asked Monica to send me to here, so I could meet my beautiful children." She said and stepped closer to me. I couldn't move – I was numbed. All I could think about was – she had cancer. She put her hand on my jaw, "I am sorry for what I did. I know I don't deserve forgiveness, but I have nothing else to give. I wanted to see you, Marcus, and Maria, and I wanted to apologize personally. I am not sure if I will be able to make it until Marcus's wedding." She said as she cried. "I – I have brought something for my granddaughter that I want to give her before I go, so please – please Silas, ask Marcus to see me. Ask him to let me meet my granddaughter one last time." She pleaded as she put her hand over my chest.

"You are not dying so, shut up." I gritted out. I might hate her for destroying my life, but my mind wasn't accepting her going away like this. She smiled softly and looked at me wordlessly, "You are not dying. You are lying." I said and stepped away. Her smile slipped off as I took another step back. "No," I whispered as a tear fell off my eye. I took a deep breath and walked towards my room hastily. I left her there – standing alone. I just wasn't accepting this – no!

I walked into my room and the first thing I did was closed my door with full force. "I have cancer." Her words roamed in my mind. I knocked off the cushion off the couch and kicked it to the corner of the room. I was angry – I was angry with her for what she did. If only she was the mother I thought she was – I might not have seen this day. I was scared – I was scared because I am afraid – what if what she is telling is the truth? What if she really –is dying? I pulled my hair in frustration and let out a wail. What if she dies? "Ruby isn't well." All of a sudden I remembered Maria's voice. I looked towards my bedroom door when I heard the guestroom's door closing. I swallowed the lump that was restricting me from breathing. "Silas, it isn't my place to tell you what she told me about her health." She told Maria about it. It was too much for me to take – she is my mother. My mother has cancer. My mother is dying. I hate her. She is dying.

I wiped off my tears and walked out of the room. I went downstairs to see my mother wasn't there – she has gone back to her room. I halted and turned around to see the closed door. I don't know if I was thinking straight or not, but I wanted to go in and check on her. I pressed my lips together and didn't oppose it. I turned back around and walked out of the penthouse. I wasn't sure how I will tell this to Marcus. Does Elizabeth know of it – what about dad, does he know? If they do – why they didn't tell us anything? I had so much in my mind. I wanted to talk to someone and there is only one person I can think of.

I went to the parking lot and sat me in my car, before starting it and speedily drove towards her. As I drove, my mother's voice kept playing in my head. She was dying. She has cancer. I received a lot of horns from the other drivers as I speedily drove to her place. Thankfully, I wasn't stopped by cops. I got out of my car and rushed towards her apartment. She was the only person I can talk to right now. I rang the doorbell and waited for someone to answer the door. After a couple of seconds, the door opened.

"Silas?" Charlie frowned as she stared at my tear-stained face. I gulped, "I want to talk to Maria." My voice wobbled. I need her right now.