jocelyn • zm (english translation)

III| cursed heart

You've been in my dreams for three nights.
So loving, sincere, and real,
It's like I'm awake and you're not a dream.

I'm waiting for you there by the lake. Come and let's drown in the redness. Then let our journey to the stars begin.

She could have sworn that her heart would be dislodged as she smiled at the poem written on the paper in her hand and the note underneath. These terrible pains that entered her stomach as she thought of his took her breath away. These feelings... It was so heavy but at the same time so beautiful, life has never been so joyful, it was like she's floating in the clouds.
She folds the note who came to hear from Theo and puts it in her pocket, told her father that will go for a walk with Pamela when leaving the home. She was walking up to the hill fast enough to burn her muscles, and hope to see him soon. She couldn't see him for two weeks. He told her he's gonna go to the capital but she didn't understand what Theo was going to have to do in the capital.

The earth was already red when she reached the hill and she saw him where they met always. He was waiting to her, standing with his back turned. Hands were joined at his back waist. Jocelyn stood back for a moment and admired the divine sight as the wind strode his black hair back. But certainly, Theo realizes she comes. When he looked her behind his shoulder with an extraordinary smile she smiled too and walk next to him. In that time, she realized that, he was in more quality fabrics than he had ever seen in her life. He even carries a heroic sword on waist and his hair carefully shaped.

''I've started to think you're a thief.'' She said ironically.

Theo turned his entire body toward the young girl with a warm gaze and his strong hands grabbed hers. ''Are you gonna change when I told you the truth?'' He asked.

She shook her head. "No, my thoughts will never change even you're a thief. Because I know that you're a good person.''

''But I've been lying to you from the very beginning.''

He confessed and Jocelyn's smile fades away. She has hated the lie for her entire life.

''What lie?''

''My name is not Theo.''

She drew her held hands to herself and scowl. ''Your name is not Theo?''

She was confused. When she serious like that, the young man who is in front of her laugh. It seems like he cannot hold his laugh.

''My name is Zayn, I'm the bigger son of the King. The reason that I went to the capital was to visit him.''

It was hard to believe. But the other way she knew a thief can't steal quality clothes like that in around. And sword like that... The engravings on the handle were perfect. It could only come out of the hands of a palace blacksmith.

''I didn't tell this truth because if I told, I knew we couldn't know each other. I didn't wanted to your fake respect to me.''

When he took her hand again, she was looking at his eyes with shock in her eyes.

''You are the crown prince.'' She said with shock.

''You don't have to bow down.''

''But...How? Doesn't the prince live in the capital?''

''I was living once. Then my father told me the manage this area. These are not important.'' He squeezed her hands. ''Tell me you're not gonna change. You know who I am but tell me we'll be the same again. Give me a promise.''

She never thought what would happen with youthful drunkenness in that time. It was a Prince standing in front of her, The Crown Prince, who is gonna be a King soon. She told him, she wouldn't change in that time never thought about herself. Unfortunately, even though he did take lessons from the wise people over the years, The Prince was in the youthful fire too. Certainly, it was not possible to put out a burning heart when it was young.

•••

The rain never stopped for days. She hoped not stop, she did like the rain. She did liked more to walk in the rain. When she thought of going for a walk, she stepped out of the window and turned to her jacket, but the door was opened by one of the senior maids, looking at her with disgruntled eyes.

''The King has a headache. He wanted to you come.''

The only thing that helped him with his headaches, was nothing but the oil she made from white tea. Because of that, she left the room with only that oil. Her heart, which is no different from a dead body, made its existence clear after days. Cursed heart, she thought with hate. Cursed heart.

When the king's order to enter was heard, she entered, keeping her eyes on the ground, and bowed, even he didn't see it. He was waiting beside the chair in front of the window with his back to the door. She gives all the headache massage in there. He would sit on that soft chair and Jocelyn would stand behind him and do her job. These were the only times she could have been closest to his face. She had given another curse to her heart because she felt happy.

She walks to him when squeezing the glass bottle between her fingers. He turns his face when she close to him. Jocelyn stop where she is and she bowed her gaze again, afraid of this instant eye contact. She was a maid kind of and the maids have no right to look The King's eyes. Still... She couldn't stop the trembling inside when looked at him, even just for a moment.

She waited for The King to sit down on his chair but he was still standing. When she couldn't understand what was happening, Zayn pointed to the chair with one of his hands clasped behind his under back waist and said, "Sit down." in a dry but firm voice.

If she would sit while the King was standing could even be considered a reason for execution for the others and Jocelyn was considered. But she followed his order and sat hesitantly on the chair. This is the first time such a situation has occurred. Then something even stranger happened. The King fell on his knees in front of Jocelyn and he leaned his back to her legs then he left his head to her knees. His eyes were closed. Waiting for massage. How can Jocelyn stop his pain with trembling fingers? When she is a silent effort to restore her erratic breathing she uncapped the bottle of white tea oil and fed a small amount of oil into her hand with still trembling hands. She understood how cold her hands were while put her fingertips on his forehead. And Zayn's skin was on fire.

Her fingers on his forehead slipped to his cheeks from time to time, sometimes she caressed those soft strands with the pretend of straightening his dark hair at night. After a long time, touching his like that made her tears incontinent. Fortunately, the king, with his eyes closed, never saw these tears as they made their way to her jaws with two silent drops.