Star Witness

15

JESSE

*without spoiling: stronger trigger warning than usual on this one for substance abuse. if you'd like specifics before reading, please reach out to me! and stay safe <3

"Twenty three hours and forty minutes," Mia says.

All four of us are crowded around her laptop, doing the math on distance and gas money and insulin and every other variable of this insane plan. We're deciding what'll make Josie and Lucia agree: a phone call with Elise, a detailed medical itinerary from Tom, a conversation with my dad.

Alice traces her finger along the United States map Mia's pulled up onscreen. "Through New Mexico... Tom, Tom, Tom!" She shakes him a little, and he looks up from his apples and peanut butter with wide eyes. "We could stay with your dad on the first night. That might make your moms more likely to say yes."

"You're a genius," Tomás tells her emphatically.

"Moms are never going to agree to this," Mia says.

"They like Jesse," Tom answers. "That will help."

"Sure," Mia says. "But do they trust Jesse?"

"I wouldn't," I admit.

"Come on!" Tom cheerleads. "Alice and Mia, your confidence is our backbone. You are legal adults! You have every right to a spontaneous journey! Mia, you've never even scratched your car. You're going to be living alone in two months. Listen, they'll say yes. I'll break out the pathos, tell them all about how I need to experience the world. Make-a-wish rhetoric. You'll see."

Mia is still worried, because Mia is always worried, but I know she can't help but believe him.

"And you promise it's safe?" she says softly to him.

"I'm not helpless. I mean... I may not be able to stay very long," he says, giving me an apologetic look. "But, if I bring enough insulin and enzymes, and as long as your sister's house has electricity, it should be okay. I just might be kind of deadweight, here and there--it takes up a lot of time. I'll need accommodations. But I can handle it." Finally seeming ruffled, he looks at us one by one, I think to make us each a little uncomfortable. It works. "And if any of you start acting like I'm made of glass, I'll boil your teeth. All of them."

"I hate literally everything about that threat," Alice says.

"I'll talk to my doctors," he assures. "If they say no, I won't go." He points an apple slice at us for emphasis, his head resting on my leg. "I can take care of myself. Better than any of you can. Let me have that."

Alice nods. "Who's driving?"

"Me," Tom and Mia say in unison. A staredown ensues.

"You'll want to take turns," I say.

"It's a long drive," Alice agrees, with dread and glee.

That reminds me to say, "Hey. Thank you. All of you. I mean, even if no one says yes. Just that you were willing to do this shit for me. It's crazy. So. Thanks."

"Aww, he's getting all sappy on us," Alice says in an obnoxious voice, throwing herself at me from the side. Mia hugs me too from the front, and Tom laughs, sits up, and uses the force of his embrace to knock us all onto the floor in a pile, which Meta Knight jumps on. My heart has wings. I've never been loved like this before.

-

My dad's smoke spot is in the backyard--a lawn chair on the porch.

Bringing this up with him has not been easy. For one thing, he's never home, and then when he is, I wind up useless, trying to will the words out, and they never come.