Star Witness

19

HAI its been a while i am so sorry. non existent readers you may check the authors note at the end for more info about that. anyway. [nature documentary voice] PREVIOUSLY on star witness: they went to illinois; they are staying with elise; jesse found out a certain childhood friend has gone missing. enjoy

TOMÁS

Illinois is full of intrigue. To say the least.

I love the greenery. I mean this neighborhood is just literally in some giant grassy field. It is fabulous. I never realized what a concrete jungle Arizona is; everything is thoroughly paved and plotted. Our neighborhoods look nothing like this. Old slouching houses without even any fences in between, lots of them without an official driveway. And, well, I adore a change in scenery.

Elise is cool. Pretty. It's weird how similar she and Jesse look. I mean, they're technically half siblings, and I don't look anything like my dad's daughters.

"That's just because all white people look the same," Alice says, sagely.

"Incredible argument," I admit. They're both pale redheads--that's enough to be identical. But they've got the same sleepy eyes, the same sharp noses. She even has a hint of his long canine teeth. They're sort of feline, all pointy. Pointy. I think that's the best word.

"She's really nice, though," Mia fawns.

"Gayass," Alice says, giggling when Mia swats her.

We're gathered in the grass out back. Elise and Jesse went out to see some old friends, so it's just us, and one of Elise's roommates. She's smoking, so she's out front. They're all surprisingly cool about keeping me away from secondhand smoke. "I'm wondering about his mom," I say. "It's been implied she lives out here."

Mia looks puzzled.

"I mean, he's told me stories about her. And he's never said anything about her not being here anymore, so..."

Alice claps a mosquito, bares her teeth at the blood on her palm. "Hey, Jesse is weird. He communicates in riddles. Maybe he thinks he's told you. Or he's just being secretive because she's in jail or something."

"It just doesn't seem like him to be ashamed of that kind of thing," I insist. Jesse is only candid in flashes, but it is very candid. I mean sometimes I have to slow him down and tell him that something he went through is messed up, because he just doesn't seem to realize.

But I also can't act like he isn't secretive.

"People get weird about parents," Mia says. "It's like the number one way to make people get weird. The whole concept of parents makes everyone go crazy, I think. Give it time."

Alice nods, now staring at the grass, combing it with her fingers. "You guys, I mean, you guys have good parents. It's hard to describe what happens in you when you have parents that suck, or that you don't think suck but they freak everyone else out. It's like, this really specific kind of shame. Goes into everything. Your bones, practically." She glances up through her lashes. "Even someone who seems not to care has a weak spot."

Like I said: Alice doesn't like to talk about her birth parents.

Mia might know about them, but me, I don't. I really have no clue. Mia's very serious about keeping secrets.

"Do you care?" I ask Alice, carefully.

She pulls at the hem of her shorts, looks up, squints against the sun. "Well, they don't."

I don't tell her I'm sure they do. The thing is, no one would know better than she would. Except also no one would know worse than she would. 

"I've tried to know my mom," Alice says. "I really have. But she likes drugs better than she likes me. Do you know, that's the only reason I've ever wanted to try coke. Because when I was a kid I was always like, what is it all about, anyway? What does it have that I don't? And I'm still wondering."