Eager Wings (Destiel)

Chapter 17

A/N Warning: this chapter contains thoughts that are associated with depression. If you are not comfortable with reading this, you can scroll to the endnotes and I’ll tell what happened in this chapter.

Meanwhile in Heaven, Cas was sitting in a cell. He knew this place; he had been visiting some prisoners a while ago. And now he was a prisoner himself.

He remembers exactly what happened once he and the other angels left Earth.

They stood in a circle around the fire when suddenly a whooshing sound was heard. Castiel and the other angels were lifted towards the sky. He didn’t even have the change to say goodbye to Dean. he didn’t know what was happening and he was scared.

A lot has happened since he had become a human. He learned what emotions were. He felt them. He had felt a lot of them. But he never had been as scared as he was now. As soon as they passed the heavenly gates, he took a piece of paper out of the pocket of his trench coat and wrote a message. Right before the gates closed again, he threw the paper out, hoping Dean would receive it.

When he turned around, the first thing he saw was… nothing. Someone coughed and Castiel looked down to see Metatron. Metatron snapped his fingers and suddenly Castiel had handcuffs. He tried to escape them, but he knew he couldn’t do anything. He was a human now.

Metatron had smiled creepily and led Castiel to the heavenly prison cells. Once Castiel was locked up, Metatron told him he’d visit every day to tell Castiel why he was locked up.

Metatron hadn’t lied. Every single day, he came to Cas’ cell, and every day he’d tell Cas how worthless he was.

“The apocalypse was your fault.”

“You are a worthless creature.”

“Losing your grace is what you deserved.”

“Dean should be ashamed of you.”

“You don’t even deserve Dean.”

Every day, the insults became worse and worse, until finally Cas gave in. He was a worthless human, and Dean didn’t deserve him.

He agreed with what Metatron said, no matter what he said. Metatron was right. Metatron knew the truth.

Metatron also told him Dean didn’t miss him. He asked if Dean had ever told Cas he loved Cas. Cas shook his head.

“He has never loved anyone,” Metatron said. “And if he would ever love anyone, it wouldn’t be you. You’re too clumsy. Dean Winchester would love someone who walks like the earth is one with them. Dean would love someone who is able to make him happy.

But you, the only thing Dean ever does is worrying about you. He doesn’t need more worries. He doesn’t need to lose sleep over you. He doesn’t need you when you can’t comfort him. He doesn’t need you when you make him angry.”

Every word hit Cas like someone stabbed him over and over again. But Metatron was right. Dean didn’t need him.

All those times Dean had said he needed Cas, he had been lying. He didn’t need Cas. He needed Cas’ angelic powers.

Then, one day, someone appeared in his cell.

“Chuck?”

“Hello Castiel,” Chuck said.

Cas said nothing.

“I am currently unable to help you, but we will get you out of here soon. Sam and Dean are-” but he was interrupted by Cas.

“No.”

“What do you mean, no? you’ll be freed and you can go back to the bunker and-”

“I said, no,” Cas’ gruff voice said. He sounded broken. “I don’t want Sam and Dean to be here. They can’t see me. I am worth nothing without my powers.”

Chuck sighed. Once he was able to, he’d get Metatron back for this. “Castiel…” he tried once more, but Cas wouldn’t hear it.

“Just go,” he replied.

It wasn’t until Chuck had disappeared when Cas wondered how Chuck could transport that easy. He only had been a prophet of the Lord, and Kevin wasn’t able to do so. Cas shrugged and decided he didn’t care.

Just as he wanted to go to sleep, Metatron walked by. “Oh no, you don’t think you’d go to sleep before we had a little talk, do you?”

Cas said nothing.

“Alright, well let’s see what you remember from our last talks. Are you an angel?”

Cas shook his head.

“Are you worth anything without your grace?”

Cas shook his head.

“All that’s happening right now, whose fault is that?”

“Mine.”  Cas’ voice trembled.

“Aright, alright, you learned well. Now tell me all you know.”

“I am a failure,” Cas started. “Dean does not deserve someone like me. He doesn’t care about me.”

“Let me bottom-line it for you. I'm not leaving here without you. Understand?” Dean said in purgatory.

“He never has cared for me.”

“I’d rather have you, cursed or not,” Dean said when they were planning on killing Dick Roman.

“He does not...”

“I need you,” Dean had prayed endless times.

“He does not need me.”
“Cas, buddy, I need you,” Dean had said to him.

“He’ll never love me.”

All those times Dean had looked at him, eyes full of love and care.

By the time Cas was done, his eyes were closed. But he knew Metatron had nodded. Because Metatron always did. Because Cas was telling the truth.

Metatron was right, Cas finally saw it. Metatron knew what Dean thought about Cas, and Cas had been wrong the entire time. Cas couldn’t read Dean’s mind. All his memories were just things he had imagined.

Dean was his weak spot.

He didn’t want to see Dean. He was ashamed of what he had thought. He was ashamed of his actions.

Dean couldn’t see him like this, Dean would never forgive Cas.

Dean needed to forget all the wrong actions Cas had ever made.

A/N For those who have not read this chapter: Metatron is torturing Cas by telling him Cas is not worth it and that Dean does not feel the same for Cas as Cas does for Dean. Metatron’s plan is working and Cas now things he is worth nothing and that Dean doesn’t care about him. He doesn’t want to see Dean.

Also, Chuck has visited Cas but he hasn’t been there for long. Cas doesn't want to see anyone at the moment.