A Farewell for a Beginning

Chapter 5

Alone, in a field full of rubble and debris between the giant petrified titans of Eren and Armin, stands Mikasa. Even now, there is something hauntingly nostalgic about standing between the remains of her two childhood friends.

Eren and Armin had always had a bond that was difficult for her to grasp. She had always been the outsider and the guardian of her trio.

Some guardian, she thinks bitterly. It is laughable that she should be the one standing here while her two friends, the very reasons she pledged herself to this godforsaken war, are now in a place she cannot go. Her mind recalls that strange moment in Paths in which she’d chased after Armin and Eren as a child, only to stand opposite Armin as an adult in the next moment, with Eren nowhere to be seen.

The ever-demanding present then beckons her back again, and in the distance, she can make out the truck that is taking the others away to safety, and is reminded of her own task. It’s simple: find Gabi, and bring her to the fort.

But… what if it isn’t?

Gabi could be lying here, petrified in the rubble, or even worse, as a mindless titan, aimlessly roving the carnage in search of any survivors to consume. If the second is true, it goes without question that she will have to take care of it personally. Her hand falls to her ODM gear at her hip. She’d have to use whatever gas she has left and her dulled blades, but even while knowing the necessary course of action, she’s far more prepared in equipment than in conscience.

She earnestly bets her hopes on the first scenario.

She is glad that Falco went with the others without kicking up a fuss. Mikasa wasn’t sure she could take seeing another child broken by tragedy. Falco so reminds her of Armin with his thirst for knowledge and infectious ability to hope. And maybe she’s desperate for thinking so, but she really wants to believe that Armin sent her Falco to stop her from losing whatever sanity she has left. Not only had he mediated between her and Levi like Armin always did, but he is another motivation and reason to carry out Reiner’s final request; a new albeit temporary purpose before she’s left to scavenge for another amidst the ashes of this war. She’ll choose to commit herself to a slim chance as this if it means preserving a flicker of hope in this ruined world. If nothing else, then at least Falco and Gabi should find peace.

It’s then that her sorry thoughts wander to the third member of her life’s new equation.

Levi.

Just what were they to each other? It’s not the first time in the four year’s of their acquaintance that she’s wondered about their unique dynamic. She knows they’ve always had a strange connection that they shared with no one else, even if they tended to operate on a more non-verbal level. Perhaps that was what made it so much more personal than the rest. They didn’t need to use words to communicate what the other was feeling; they simply knew. Maybe that’s why they got under each other’s skin; though there were certainly others who’d known them longer, they could see right through each other.

At least, until recently. Somewhere along the way, the lines had become blurred. He was no longer just her captain; not simply a leader who directed her into battle. She suspects it was when Captain Levi and Commander Zoe were pronounced dead after the coup. No, she’s certain it was then. She can recall it clearly; that feeling of guilt for having left things so tense between them, only to learn she’d never get the chance to fix it, after all the times he’d swung in and saved her. From titans. From Eren… from herself. It had happened so shortly after Eren’s devastating words to her and Armin at headquarters.