39.

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it was like looking through
a crystal ball.
i saw my friend and myself,
saw the red oak leaves
falling down
around us,
in the soft autumn breeze.

he was in thought, his face stern,
and his hands
deep inside his pockets,
curled up in fists.
i knew,
because it had been a short while
since he had stopped drinking.

i was jogging around,
kicking leave piles
and watching them
twirl down again.
and i was talking out loud,
about nothing
and everything,
trying to give him something,
anything,
to get his attention
drawn to
instead.

we had walked around
for quite some time,
hours it seemed,
with nothing but
trees around us,
when he suddenly stopped.

and i never noticed it
until now,
the sparkle that appeared
in his cold and distant eyes,
for only a second.

and he smiled: "thanks for being in my life."

*

it had been so long since we last took walks.
months,
maybe even
a year.
it still filled my heart.
but it was a memory.
and all that memories were -
lately, in this darkness -
they were nothing more
than just fleeting,
bittersweet moments.

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