TROUVAILLE ... l.danes (REWRITE)

chapter twenty-two; the present

DID HER LEAVING SAVE HIM TOO? 

two-thousand-and-two

RAIN SPLASHES onto the window. This must be the most cliched thing Shelley has ever done, but she can't quite force herself to move from the window. Her eyes track the raindrops that race each other down the glass, arms hugging her knees to her chest. These sweatpants aren't even hers, she's pretty sure she stole them from Jackson last time she spent the night at Sookie's. And this hoodie, it smells like Luke. That must be from the last time she was around at his apartment, when she got caught in the rain and it was the only clean thing he had to offer her. That was two weeks ago, two days before the voicemail that ruined her life all over again.

She hasn't seen him since.

She hasn't seen anyone since. Some days, she spends all day in this house doing housework, watching cable TV she never had the chance to watch before, browsing the newspaper for some sort of job she doesn't feel like doing. Other days, she goes to Pam's Bloom Room with her Mom and sits putting together bouquets in the backroom so she doesn't have to deal with any of the townspeople trying to talk to her. This is why she left it behind. It's odd the things you forget when you've been gone for so long – the rose-coloured glasses have to slip at some point.

Her head falls against the cold glass. The rain batters heavily against the windows. What she would give to go outside and just lay down there in the middle of the yard, the rain soaking her into the mud. To just be swallowed up and left to fester, to rot. It would be easier than dealing with these thoughts swirling around her head. Shawn standing in the middle of Weston's, staring at her, the beard growing across his jaw. He'd tried to stay clean-shaven for most of their relationship – did her leaving save him too? Kimberly clutching his arm, crocodile tears clinging to her eyelashes, begging Shelley to listen to them. And what if they're still hanging around? Just waiting for her to walk down the street so they can jump around the corner like some serial killer in a horror movie.

What if they're waiting for her?

She can't leave knowing they might still be out there.

So, while her parents are off to dinner at Sookie and Jackson's, she stays behind to guard the house. The radio hums softly in the background, some 'classic' channel playing old sixties songs that her parents would most likely dance around to. She's barely listening, much too enamoured with watching the raindrops try to beat each other to the bottom of the windowsill.

Is she safe here, really?

A knock comes from the front door and she is startled out of her thoughts. Her head snaps towards the noise. That hammering in her chest, is it her heart? Or is it something worse? Something she locked up begging to be let out. She waits, arms tightening around her knees, hoping the limbs will act as extra security. The knock comes again, harder this time. It's quickly followed by hushed whispers from the porch.

The radio is too far away for her to turn it up and drown them out. But, she drops her head back onto the cool glass and tries her hardest to focus on the racing droplets of rain. Everything was going so well. She was friends with everyone again. She was happy. She was on track. And all it takes is Shawn to come storming back into her life to cause her to stumble.

She misses her friends. Olive. Lorelai. Jeff. She misses Luke. She misses listening to the kids argue in the diner, laughing over coffee, swapping clothes with Lorelai. It's only been two weeks and yet, she's not sure she's going to come back to this. Every time she takes a step out of that door, they flash in front of her eyes. Shawn with his strong arms. Kimberly with her tight grip. They won't let her run away this time.