chapter forty-one; the past

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SHE'S THE SUN 

nineteen-eighty-five



DYING MIGHT get him out of this situation.

The hardware store is empty of customers. It's been empty all day. Nobody needs tools, or tape, or string when it's raining so hard it sounds like it might break through the windows. Most likely, tomorrow, Lucas will be sent around town to fix everybody's gutters now that they're full of dead leaves and whatever else the wind has picked up on its storm around Stars Hollow.

With no customers, Lucas had believed he may have been spared from spending the day with his dad. He could be at home, right now, getting high, messing around in the kitchen, watching whatever TV is on in the afternoon. Doing anything but this. But, instead, he's sat behind the counter beside his dad, watching him whittle wood into flowers for Auntie Pam's shop. And they're talking. About women.

A shudder rolls down his spine.

Why does Jeff have to be busy today? He's at one of his elderly family members chilsun, all of his family gathering to celebrate their 70th birthday with a massive banquet. Some of them have even flown over from Korea.

Lucas would rather be there.

"You don't want to spend your life as a bachelor. Do you?"

Lucas drops his head into his hands, watching the rain beat against the glass. The clouds overhead are dark, gathering ominously over their small town, where they will remain for hours, maybe even days, until the sun can gather enough strength to push through.

"Not so bad. Is it?"

"Not so bad?" His dad scoffs. A wood chipping flies away to the other end of the store. "You can't sleep around your whole life. All these girls you mess around with will find better men to settle down with and you'll be alone. Grumpy. Still working here."

"I will not be working here."

"Well, I can't entrust the store to Liz, can I?"

Lucas wishes he could argue with that. This store has been in their family for generations. Hardware passed down from father to son to mother to daughter. Finally, it landed in the hands of William Danes, and a few years down the line, the keys will belong to Lucas and he will be stuck in this one-horse town for the rest of his life.

God, that's fucking dire.

Maybe, once upon a time, he had dreams of getting out of here. Sometimes he still does. If he was smart enough, he'd go to college. Maybe even go as far as California. Settle down in a state as far away from here as he can get, find a woman who likes him without all the popularity that drips from him, and have a family. If he was lucky, he'd just take his bike and go. The sun would set behind him, washing him in shades of orange and pink and red, and he'd just be a blur in the distance.

But, he doesn't have the money to just go.

And he's the only one his dad's really got.

"You and Tammi could be good. I know you've got whatever it is going on, but you like each other well enough."

"I'm not marrying Tammi." 

His dad sighs through his teeth and stabs him with a pointed look. He's spent his whole life trying to make his dad proud. Running so fast his shins hurt. Climbing to the top of the popularity tower so that, no matter how many shitty things he does, people still like him. Working in this store on weekends to make enough money to take pretty girls on dates. He wants people to see him in the street and cling to him. He wants them to leave him alone. He wants to be known. He wants to be invisible.

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