The Detective and Her Bachelor

Chapter 35

You can't avoid him forever. Just suck it up and go inside, you coward. Stop stalling!

My pep talks weren't always kind. They were full of fire, and sharp tones. Especially when they were geared towards myself.

People often find it easier to be kinder to strangers than to themselves.  It gives us a chance to pretend we are something better than who we truly are. To hold up an illusion and swear that for a single moment we aren't broken or monstrous. We are a breathtaking mirage of perfection. An oasis in a desert of destruction.

But unlike with a stranger, we can't hide from ourselves. We are forever staring into a mirror of our own flaws, pains, and mistakes, forced to acknowledge that every crack is part of who we are. So much so that sometimes we forget the beauty behind all the cracks along the mirror's surface.

So we treat ourselves cruelly, forgetting that even the monster inside needs kindness. After all, how can we expect to treat others well, when we can barely manage to say a kind thing to ourselves?

But all self-talk aside, I knew I was being a coward. Facing feelings— of any kind, left me acting like that lion in The Wizard of Oz. TERRIFIED. Shuddering for an escape.

"You just gonna stare at the door handle all night?" Michale asked after I had been staring at said car door handle for a full thirty seconds after we arrived back at the mansion.

I didn't want to get out of the car. I was tempted to sink low in the leather seat and pretend I was five— that if I couldn't see the world outside, it couldn't see me either.

"Just gotta mentally prepare myself to go back inside," I muttered, glaring at the door handle.

Michale chuckled. "I would say take all the time you need... but the cameras will find you eventually." He adjusted my scarf again, eyes flashing with determination. "You are Delle Falls. A phoenix who can take on anything she sets her mind to. Never let anyone inside that place make you forget who you are."

I offered him a tired smile. Thankful for his conviction to make me feel beautiful inside and out. Allie had picked a wonderful person to keep an eye on my sanity and fashion sense.

"Besides... staring at a door handle isn't really the best look on you," he said with a wave of his hand, wishing to erase my current unappealing gloom.

I sighed, finally shoving the door open. "Noted. Better put on my game face then."

Michale leaned towards the passenger's open door from his driver's seat, looking up at me with an encouraging smile. "Hang in there, Delle. Don't let them snuff out that spark. I'll see you tomorrow." Then he drove out of the parking lot, leaving me with no other choice but to face Decker and whatever secrets he had uncovered.

Here I go...

I managed to get inside the mansion without being seen— which was a miracle with all the contestants swarming through the courtyard, eating snacks and drinking wine as they talked about their day— and made it up to my room without being tackled by Clipboard Girl for getting back so late.

I was beginning to hope that talking to Decker could have that same level of ease until I snuck inside my room, closed the door, and realized that my luck wasn't luck at all. It was just a pause, a breath before trouble found me, trouble that decided my room was the perfect place to be.