92. Good Clean Fun

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I spent a lot longer than I needed to in the bathroom. Mum had produced a selection of rubber duckies from somewhere, and other floating toys. And while she washed my hair, I let myself start thinking like a baby, until it just seemed natural to play with them. I didn't want to stop just because I was clean now. It was a whole before something occurred to me.

"I felt like a baby?" I said, trying to understand what was different. "Before, I mean. Like... not like I was being forced into those clothes and... other things. But more like I was actually a little kid, so it felt like it was normal. Just for a few minutes."

"That's right, dear. That's the deal with the hypnosis thing I picked out for you. It's supposed to help you to imagine being a little one, and act accordingly. Each time you watch the spirals, and when you hear me repeat some of the key phrases from the recording, you'll see yourself as a baby or a toddler for a little while. Is that something you're comfortable with?"

I thought about it for a few minutes, and then gave a nervous nod. It was different from what I'd felt with that first meditation file, where it had all been about imagining losing control, but the strange new feelings didn't feel that bad. It was something I might have been interested to try again.

"There's words?" I said again, after a little more time playing with my toys. In with the other toys there was something that looked like floating Lego, although I was sure the blocks were larger than usual, and working out what I could build with them distracted me for quite a few moments.

"Yes. Like... you know your first experiments with this stuff trained you to remember how it felt whenever you hear the wind chimes, so all it takes is listening to them? Well for this one, there's a few words that your Mommy or babysitter can say to have the same effect. I think it's ingenious the way they ask you to imagine it, so that it's building up a narrative in your mind. Now we can help our little baby use her diapers without needing to put you to sleep every time. Although because you need to imagine it, I suspect that it will depend on how well you could imagine the feeling. So it will be easier for you to imagine things that you're already familiar with. Don't worry if they don't all work right away. I expect that's why your sister didn't react as strongly as you did this afternoon."

"Wait..." I mumbled, the feelings of childishness fading from my mind a little. "What if Lindy... You're not going to tell her the words, are you?" I knew as soon as I said it that my sister would get another way to torment me. If Mum was saying these words to make me act on hypnotic suggestions, then Lindy would quickly learn what the words were. But if Mum was right... if Lindy was learning to feel remorse for her actions, then maybe I could trust her not to abuse it in future. But until she learned that lesson, she could turn my life into a real nightmare.

"If I understand correctly, it only works for your Mum," she reassured me. "Or someone you've chosen to call Mommy. Your sister can only do it if I tell you that she's your babysitter. And if you're not comfortable with that, I won't. But I think giving her some control might make it easier for her to learn that winning isn't what she really wants. And if I know you, I think that there are some times you might enjoy her bullying you a little. Right?"

I blushed, and tried to hide my face in the bubbles, but I couldn't deny it. That was one of the reasons that I hadn't told Mum the first time Lindy started teasing me. Because being helpless and unable to resist was such an intense feeling in the dreams that had started me on this path, and that was something I still wanted to explore more. I gave a little nod, wondering just what I was letting myself in for.

"You had a little time to think about it now, I think?" Mum whispered, after giving me some more time to play with my toys. "Are you okay with being bullied, surprised, and humiliated? I'll try my best to find things that you really enjoy, I promise you that much. And balance that against giving Lindy what she thought she wants, so she can see that it isn't what she hoped for. It is your choice, and I thought you understood that before. But now I'm asking properly. Are you okay with trying this... unorthodox approach to teaching her? And do you think you can find enough enjoyment in that teasing to make sure this trip is still fun?"

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