His Journal Notebook (Completed)

CHAPTER 5

A/N:

WAG PO KAYO MALITO PLS HAHAHAHAHAHA ang chapter na ito ay may dagdag na scene so you don't need to worry about anything. Siguro medyo bitin sa dulo pero ays lang. Skip na lang kayo sa part ba di niyo pa nababasa. Mag aupdate ulit me once may nag-comment or pag hindi ako writer's block. Thank you!!!!!

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NATIGILAN AKO sa kanyang tanong. Matagal na katahimikan ang bumalot sa amin at halos hindi na ako makapag-grab ng salita. All of the topics, si Art ang pinakahuling gusto kong pag-usapan. Bumabalik kasi lahat ng sakit, hinanakit at pagsisisi. Pero ngayon, di ko alam kung ano ang dapat na maramdaman dahil sa kanyang tanong.

Loving someone else? Other than Art?

Hindi ko alam. Hindi ko na alam dahil sa sobrang lalim ng sugat ko na naranasan ko kay Art, parang di ko ma-imagine ang sarili na nagmamahal ng panibago. It's either I'm not yet ready, or hindi ko na kayang magmahal ng panibago dahil natatakot na akong maging failure na naman sa lalaking mamahalin ko. Iniisip ko kung worth it ba mag-take ng risk, na worth it mag-try ulit.

But I really don't think so.

Dahil wala talaga akong masabi, I did it my own way how I handle everything. “None of your business. Now, can you please let me go?”

“No,” pagkasabi niya'y bigla niyang ni-lock ang kotse. Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin. And if looks could kill, he's probably dead and tortured by now. “Answer the question and I'll let you go.”

“Why are you even asking me this?” inis kong turan.

“Because I want to.”

“Ano namang pake ko kung trip mo?”

“I don't know. Maybe you could consider someone being in love with you and could like them back afterwards.”

Napalingon ako sa kanya at napatitig nang sobrang tagal. “I could, but I can't  promise them I would like them back.”

“Why? They like you.”

I glared at him. “Are you nuts? Not because someone likes me, it's my responsibility to like them back. It's their feelings to deal with, bakit bigla akong nadamay?”

“Yan ba talaga dahilan mo? Or...”

I took a deep breath. Controlling the  urge not to be pissed at him. “Look, wala tayo sa mundong vice-versa. Bigay ko sayo, bigay mo rin sa akin. Just like liking someone, right? I like you so I need to like you back, too? No. That's not how world works. Na porket binigay mo, ibibigay pabalik sayo?” I sarcastically laughed. “You must be living in a fairytale, then. All things you want, reaches for you.

“But the thing here is, wala tayo sa fairytale. We're living in a world where having feelings with someone won't reciprocate to you. Because that's how the world works. That's what reality is.

“And can we stop talking about this? It's getting late. I wanna—”

“But you need to, Kyra. You have to. Paano ka makakamove forward sa buhay mo na 'yan?”

Nag-salubong ang kilay ko. “You don't tell me what to do. Paano mo masasabing hindi ako makakamove-forward nito? Na ano, love life lang ang kailangan ko sa buhay? Na hindi ako magiging masaya na ako lang?”

“No, Kyra. That's not what I meant. Ang sinasabi ko lang—”

“Then what?! Alam nating pareho na yun ang pinupunto mo. Na mangailangan ng papalit kay Art para magmukhang hindi na ako bitter sa love. Well, tell you what, Cleo. I don't need anyone, anybody or others to make me happy. All I want is to live in peace!”