Do You Hear Me ? [Ekkan]

repercussions of recordings

Author's note. A one-shot on my take on Ekim's reaction to Lunapark.  Please note that the author does not condone the abuse exhibited in episode 11 of Duy Beni. Enjoy and review.

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"Is that why your dad left you , hmm ?"

He was on his knees , untying the binding at her feet and it is was honestly hurting her pride.  She didn't want to need him at all. She wanted to get off this stupid ride on her own, without his help.  But here she was at his mercy. Her throat was locked. She refused to let  the tears show. She knew she was losing. But she wasn't going to let him break what was left of her.

The rope finally seemed to give way under his fingers and her leg was free. She swung it over the stupid horse and her feet hit the ground hard as she stood firmly.

Irony of ironies,  she noticed his hand at her waist , ready to steady her and she nearly lost it completely.

She pushed back , away from him. It wasn't like she could get far enough,  the stupid ride hit her back with a single step back.

Fortunately he was back to his feet,  again casually leaning on the opposite ride, arms crossed over his chest.

She mimicked his stance.

"So Kanat Gunay ? King of bullies.  It's nice to finally meet you. You're more pathetic then I expected." She said coolly

She saw the blow hit. And he blinked.  But she was just getting started.

"You know , I really do think you and Melisa would be an ideal match. The same insecure pity party - throw people's weaknesses in their face to make yourself feel better. Tell me Kanat , are you feeling better, are you calmer? Did my screams for help soothe you ?"

Oops. He was losing it again. His eyes were blazing .

"You still don't get it , do you ? You threw me away for Leyla . You threw everything we had for Leyla. Leyla , the same girl who threw a desk out of a window at you. You want to know what's pathetic, Ekim ? Pathetic is her happily dancing to my tune and deleting that recording for me without me even trying. The little twit is just so eager to please. "

Gosh she was going to be sick. She suspected it was Kanat who put Leyla up to the deletion. She couldn't fathom Leyla selling herself and her accident out like this. But she'll deal with that later.

"Hmm ? Maybe I should thank her for telling you. Look at masterpiece you've created just for me . Maybe she saved me from your brand of crazy.  Maybe I dodged a bullet with you ? "

And his face crumpled. Some of the Kanat she knew shone through.  But she was too far gone . He dropped his arms and started inching into her personal space again. Eyes promising hell.

"You dodged a bullet , huh ? You dodged a bullet! You played me ! You faked everything just to get what you wanted ! And then you sold me ."

She really didn't want to cry. Couldn't he see that was never her intention?  Her throat was locking down but she had to push through . How did he think everything was fake ?

She laughed instead. It sounded even a little hysterical to herself. She rather laugh then cry.

He was almost baring down on her,  towering over her. Her hand found its way to his chest. And she felt it tense under her fingers. Good to know he wasn't as immune to her as he'd like to believe.

"Are you so insecure that you can't tell the difference between a game and what's real, Kanat ?" She chose her words well. Aimed to do as much damage as possible.  His words from earlier broke her. He broke her. The one person who she believed to be her safe place to land - shattered that safety. 

His chest was heaving under her hand. He was fighting to breathe. And she hated it . She hated what they had become. She wanted to claw at him , wanted to claw out her Kanat from this ugly shell hiding him. The real Kanat.  She wanted to scream and  pull and tear at this bitter copy. She hated him. She hated this him. And she didn't know how to get rid of him.

"You broke my trust to wipe away your guilt" he gritted out. His teeth gnashing at each other. His voice coarse.

And she laughed again.

"Trust ? What trust? The fluffy talk you made about trust. Your trust that fell like a house of cards when Leyla spoke to you ? That trust ? Don't put this on me when you had so little faith in me ."

She was almost forcing the words out. Her jaw was clenching.  She could feel her eyes misting over. 

"Who's fault is that ?" He screamed . "Look at you! You're not even denying the fact that you were just cleaning up your conscious . I don't even know why I'm still here listening to you?" He made to push past her , but she wasn't done and the hand on his chest pushed him right back where he was .

"Alright , let's talk about guilt. Let's talk about how you will let Aziz do anything to anyone just because of your guilt. You didn't put those marks on his back , Kanat. But you damn well feel like you did. I'm no fool.  I know where those marks came from. But I'm not as low and as weak as you are to throw it in your face. "

Again she saw the blow hit him. And she was a tiny bit afraid that she may have pushed him too far.

He took a breath , almost to steady himself. 

"Oh , did I hit a nerve ? Here's an idea- the ropes you have here,  why don't you just tie me at the edge of the carousel and switch it  on? How about you watch me being  dragged through the sand? Will see me bleeding help? " 

He took a step back like he was hurt and maybe even a little shocked. Fine , that may have been a bit morbid. But he did watch her scream . She wouldn't put it past him. She believed in him never hurting her before. And now she believed in his ability to only hurt her.  She needed to give him his due. He accomplished it in under five minutes

"I did this to hurt you and I accomplished it. You don't deserve the love I gave you ."

He said it like he believed it. And she believed it. She couldn't stand here any longer. She couldn't be near him .

"Love , Kanat ? You call this love ? Didn't you say Melisa totalling your car wasn't love ? Yet you do worst ? Sorry   , but I can't see a person doing this to someone they claimed to love " again that may have not been the right thing to say. He looked like he didnt even recognize her. Aah well she could say the same. She didn't recognize this ugly shell glaring down hatefully at her.

"Don't.  Don't you dare question my love when all you gave me was pain. It was my mistake to believe you'd never hurt me, now it's your turn "

She rolled her eyes.

"Who's really hurt here  , Kanat  ? You or me? From where I'm standing you look like a loser throwing a tantrum. Your little show here just proved who you really are. I should thank you. You really just saved me from yourself.  "

She gave him a hard push to the chest and made her away around him and off the carousel, leaving her heart shattered at the floor of the ride.

She turned and saw his eyes wet. He looked as broken as she felt.  "But if you want to know what real hurt is, you won't be disappointed.  You'll know hurt when you find out how I really used that recording. I hope you have Melisa and Leyla to pick up the pieces that you broke here today."

She refused to look at him again. She tried to walk calmly. Tried to keep her pride.  And when she thought she was far away enough.  She ran.  And shattered the little love she had left for herself.  Maybe he was right. Maybe she didn't deserve love. Maybe she was fighting too hard to make herself lovable.  Maybe that's why he left her. Maybe that's why Leyla turned on her like this. Maybe that's why her father left her with a cone of cotton candy on her favorite ride alone with nothing but tears . Maybe she was just too hard to love.

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I stan strong and fierce Ekim. Hope you enjoyed her too