Until Tomorrow

Back To Friends

All this time. I shoved down my feelings because I was so scared to lose her. All these decisions I've made in my heart, I made for her. Never once have I said what was right for Mac. It was always Jamie. I wish I could take it all back. There I sat on Andrew's kitchen floor looking up at the ceiling as tears slowly fell. Andrew sat next to me holding a beer bottle, letting me soak in whatever I was feeling.

What was I feeling? Did I hate her? Did I not want to be her friend anymore?

"Why can't we go back to the way it used to be, without all these feelings?"

"Jaime has a lot of shit to figure out right now Mac." Andrew said as he took a swig of his beer and handed it to me.

I wiped my face and looked at him. The sympathy I saw in his eyes told me how shitty I looked at the moment. Every bone in my body wanted to hate Jamie right now. But all I could do was listen to my heart break into a million pieces because the half it needed to heal was nowhere to be found. My mind was racing.

I'd do anything to not have to think.

Think about her.

Her smile.

Her eyes.

How she smelled.

Anything.

But I couldn't because I didn't know how to let go.

"Can't we just go back to being friends?"

Andrew smiled at me, "I wish it was that simple, but feelings... They're real Mac, and when you love someone it demands to be felt."

"When did you become a fortune cookie Andy?" The laugh I let go of was light and painful. Out of all the things I wanted to say right now Andrew is right. It wasn't what I was thinking.

"The beginning of high school?" He joked. Another night of sleep lost. I closed my eyes and my mind was flooded with happy memories.

"I'm Mac" I said quietly to the redhead sitting next to me. The strawberry curls were up in two pigtails as her eyebrows were partially covered by her bangs. She was looking down at her fingers as she fiddled with them. A new school with no friends. I could only imagine what she was feeling.

"Jaime. My name is Jaime. Are you Andrew's friend too?"

"Yeah, it's nice to meet you, Jamie."

"Can we be friends now?"

"Of course we can."

The bell rang for lunch. I stood up and held out my hand so eagerly. I remembered the look on her face and the smile that formed in my mind when she grabbed my hand.

"We are going to be best friends. Right Mackenzie?"

"Right, Jamie".

I smiled at this memory, indeed we did become best friends. Jaime and became inseparable after that day in 3rd grade. We didn't do everything anyone could think of but we did it together. Jaime was my other half. Every step in life we always had each other's backs even in the scary ones.The scariest one was when Jaime lost her father. It's not a memory either of us like to think of but it was buried deep in the back of our minds. That night is when I knew she needed me in life.

7th grade year. We were babies if you ask me. Jaimes phase of being popular kicked in. She decided she wanted to be a cheerleader that year. We were standing in the hall next to our lockers.