North Star

24 | rocketman

2019

Nobody needed me to reaffirm that being social was more palatable in small doses, so I wasn't sure how Nikau had quickly become the exception to that rule. I wasn't even the one who initiated it, which made my immersion into it that much more surprising.

One slow day at work a couple of weeks after Leimomi's graduation, my name was paged over the speakers calling me to the front desk because I had a client requesting to work with me. I should have realized then that something was up since I rarely had people ask for me by name. (I wasn't about to win employee of the month any time soon.) I was caught off guard to find Nikau standing there talking to the self-proclaimed office guard.

It didn't take a genius to recognize they were all smitten with him. Who could blame them? His megawatt smile was on full display for the office staff to bask beneath its glow, and they soaked it up as easily as the sun on a warm summer's day.

I admired how easily it came to them, the ability to let people witness their admiration instead of shying away from expressing it. Even knowing someone could see me at all made my skin crawl most of the time. That didn't even account for someone like Nikau being the one to witness my existence. I wondered what it was like to actively seek out attention or not be afraid of holding onto it.

"The phone is ringing," I noted as I pulled up beside him at the counter.

None of them moved a muscle. Nikau had successfully reeled them in and they weren't looking to be set loose.

"Is it?" Someone replied. "I hadn't noticed."

I laughed. Took in the familiar intricacies of his tattoos up close. "I noticed you not noticing."

It was all in jest. They were harmless. It didn't mean there wasn't some internal reaction to seeing them respond to his presence in such a way. When it was just the two of us at his apartment, we were equals, even if he still found it much easier to break out of his shell than I did. When the two of us were side by side in public, I was hyper aware that we were perceived in two completely different ways.

"You bought from here before, right?" Someone else asked, their words dripping with honey. "I remember your face. Hoku kept you all to herself over there but I remember you."

Nikau flashed them another smile, assuming he had even stopped since walking inside the building, and I refrained from rolling my eyes. Older aunties always had a way of saying exactly what you never wanted them to.

"Or maybe I was just... doing my job?"

"No." They shook their head. "I don't think that's right."

"Well, then." I placed my hand on Nikau's arm and guided him back toward my store's side. "I'll remember to send him over to you next time."

"Don't threaten us with a good time."

They shouted at us as I pulled him out of the lion's den.

Once we were back in the safety of Red, I felt more at ease, regardless of Nikau's surprise visit. Even when I looked at him expectantly and waited for an explanation, he only casually sat down on one of the side chairs placed near the front registers. Like it was the most normal thing for him to just show up unannounced.

"Hi."

"Hey."

"That was more like a hi? What are you doing here?"

His left eyebrow raised. "Do you not want me here? I can leave."

"I didn't say that."

"So you want me to stay?"