Twice Bitten, Once Shy: Confessions of a Fake Psychic Detective #5

Chapter 25

The Satan

"Aaron's spirit shattered the glass held by the accomplice," Zandra says, just in case anyone present missed the point of what happened.

Can't underestimate this crowd.

Rev. Cash looks down at his chest to assess the damage, but his beer bottle remains intact. He takes a swig and says, "Good. The last accuser was a miss, too."

Cherry Peach presses a cocktail napkin into the Shirley Temple that soaked into her dress. Her spill is a result of nerves, not anything supernatural.

Jade covers her face in the pit of her elbow to avoid the shards of exploded glass, but "Aaron's spirit" similarly left her glass of wine spritzer alone.

Ivy stares into her vodka tonic, wondering whether the carbonation or her frustration will shatter the glass first.

A dry and unscathed pDano® smiles and nods for reasons known only to them.

And that leaves...

"Captain Mel," Zandra says.

For the first time since Zandra met him, Captain Mel appears in utter shock. A trail of grape juice down his front leads to shattered glass and ice cubes on the floor.

"But...how?" Captain Mel says in a bearded daze.

The same way the spirits of patrons past make their presences known in "haunted" bars: thermal shock, happy hour, a good ghost story, and some primed dipshits.

The heat from automatic dishwashers expands the glass. Take the glass out of the dishwasher right after the last cycle completes, and then pour some cold liquid inside it. The liquid causes the glass to rapidly contract. This creates microscopic fissures in the glass. All the glass needs to shatter is a little force, like someone taking a sip after a toast.

This effect is called "thermal shock," and the owners of those "haunted" bars know all about it. That won't prevent them from capitalizing on the lore of a supernatural mascot randomly shattering patrons' beer mugs and cocktail glasses. It helps that thermal shock reveals itself at opportune times. The busier the bar is, like during happy hour, the more likely it is that glasses are removed from dishwashers before they have a chance to cool. That means more people see the spontaneous and "supernatural" shattering, and the legend of the "haunted" bar grows.

Not that the people in charge of the bars mind. Just like haunted hotels, spirits can be good for business.

Look, if I ever come back as a spirit and I get a choice of where to haunt and how, it sure as fuck isn't going to be a bar. You know why they serve alcohol in bars? Because it's the only way to tolerate the people there.

Anyway, Captain Mel, the trick was to conveniently forget to ice up everyone's drinks except for yours. Aaron's "spirit" made its choice.

The Curd Queen rattles in a way it hasn't up to this point in the event. It's not violent, but it is noticeable, almost like something struck the bottom of the boat.

A log?

"You ask me how, child?" Zandra says to Captain Mel, resuming her command of the situation. "I don't know the how of what I do any more than anyone else. All I know is we got a chance to witness something incredible, and we would be foolish to write it off as mere coincidence. The dead don't get it wrong."

Rev. Cash utters a prayer under his breath. Jade bows her head along with him.

Cherry Peach stuffs the .22 Bobcat back into her purse. "Thank fuck Aaron isn't as much of a creep in death as he was in life. He got it right. I had nothing to do with it."