Emotional Plague (Estrangement Syndrome 2) ✅

Chapter Seven

November 10th, 2027

1:09 am

It was late in the night. Shuei sat in bed in his small hotel room hugging a pillow to his chest. He was staring off into space aimlessly and he felt ill. The last time he felt even remotely so awful was the night of the accident that would later claim his father's life. The circumstances were different, but...but the pain was still as awful now as it was then.

"I love him," he whispered to the empty room. He squeezed his arms tight around the pillow. "I love San."

He felt so stupid that it hadn't occurred to him that this was the reason he was going to such lengths. Why he abandoned his duty and traveled the country looking for San with absolutely no leads to his whereabouts. He loved him. It wasn't just a physical attraction, he loved San.

I love him. And I've gotten myself stranded in Wakkanai because I love him so much that I burned through my money trying to find him.

Shuei began to laugh quietly, but tears stung his eyes. The tears angered him and leaned over the side of his bed. He unzipped his bag and pulled out Keibi's ihai. He held it in both hands and leaned his back against the wall. "Well Dad," he said sagely. "You took Mom and me away from Kyoto and the Seishin, and I ended up right back there. Then I fell in love with a Seishin."

He shook his head. "I was...still struggling, before you died. I wasn't ready to accept myself, but you told me that you accepted me no matter what. That helped me, Dad. I came out after you died, because you told me you loved me and were proud of me no matter what."

The tears spilled out then and and Shuei gritted his teeth. "Would you have accepted me Dad? If you were here and you saw me fall in love with a Seishin? You escaped that life, and you stayed away to the point that you didn't speak to your own father again. Would it have been okay with, Dad? Is it okay with you now, wherever you are?"

Shuei hugged the ihai and he shuddered as he tried to suppress a sob. After a moment he leaned back again and looked towards the ceiling. "Where are you, San?" he asked the empty room, his voice hoarse.

He was out of time. He didn't have enough money to get back to Kyoto. Shuei scrubbed at his eyes and crawled out of bed to the low table. He flipped open his tablet and pulled up his email. He opened up a new draft and hesitated. He set the ihai on the low table. "I'm sorry, Dad," he murmured. "Even if I didn't have your approval...I can't stop loving him. And I don't want to stop looking for him."

I'll send him an email. Maybe he'll delete it without opening...but I need to try. I'll send an email, and see if he replies and tells me where he is. If he does, I'll try to find a way to him. If he doesn't...then I'll need to contact Kadokawa-san for help.

*

3:56 am

'San,

If you read, please know that I miss you and I'm worried about you. I'm currently in Wakkanai because I stupidly thought you would be here. I'm embarrassed that I got it wrong; it makes me feel like I don't truly know you. But I can't help but worry about you. And I can't help how I feel about you.

I want to help you. I want to talk to you. I want to hash this shit out with you and clear the air between us. I don't care if we make peace or end up fighting, I want to see you, San. It's driving me crazy that I can't see you or talk to you. I've basically stranded myself here looking for you, so it would be nice if you were somewhere near me. But even if you weren't—even if you were on the other side of Japan—I would walk if it meant I could see you again.