Bedroom Disasters [Sasuke x Reader]

HAHA!

"Hee, hee, hee." I chortled to myself as I took another huge gulp from a bottle of red wine. I thought it perfect for the occasion to celebrate, but Sasuke's pert butt wouldn't be home for dinner. So guess what? I ate the dinner, his share included, and now I'm drinking wine. Alone. It's great, try it sometime. (No, don't.) 

I heard the door slam and said to myself, "Perfect!" I quickly removed my clothes and stood at the entrance of the bedroom, with a wine bottle in my hand.  

"[Name]?" Sasuke called out. 

"Up here! I have a surprise for you!" I yelled back. I smiled to myself and giggled. I couldn't wait! 

As he made his way up the stairs, he began to apologize, knowing I could hear him. "I'm sorry I was late for our anniversary... Whoa." I caught him off guard for the very first time (Score one for me!). I latched onto him, my arms around his neck and murmured sexily, "Hey there, hot stuff. Happy anniversary."  

"Are you drunk?" was all he asked. 

"Hell yeah! Get drunk with me, babe!" I shouted loudly in his ear, causing him to wince.  

"Go to sleep. You're not in your right mind- Mmpfh." I covered his mouth with mine, kissing him sloppily. 

"Nom nom nom," I said between kisses. "We're gonna eff tonight!" 

"I'm too tired-" Before he could finish, I placed the bottle over his mouth and tipped it. Wine spilled over his lips, to his chin and down to his clothes.  

"CHUG, CHUG, CHUG!"  

He spluttered and then sighed with annoyance. He took the bottle from me and placed it on a nearby dresser. "[Name], you got my clothes dirty." 

"It's getting hot in here, so take off all your clothes," I sang to him as my hands began to find its way to unbuttoning his shirt.  

Sasuke held his hands up in the air as if surrendering and took a swig from the bottle... and then took more swigs. He probably finished the bottle... and perhaps took another bottle. From where? I don't know, who knows? Do you know?

"Yeah, I'm gonna get some tonight! Woo!" I shouted happily. I managed to get him nekkid and threw him on the bed with all my mighty strength.  

I seductively smiled at him and crawled on top of him. "I'm gonna ride you like a horse tonight."  

"Wait. Where's the condom?" His words were now slurred and he blinked cutely at me.  

"I'm on birth control, remember? So you can splatter your paint gun inside me all you want." I rubbed myself against him, the jolts of electricity coming to greet me.  

"Put it in," he demanded with impatience. 

"Shut up, I ain't going in dry!" But once my dungeon was all damp, I was having trouble trying to land it on his mountain. So I gave up for the moment and I took ahold of his pokeballs and long stick. "Hey, this looks like an elephant. This thingy right here is the trunk, although it's a short trunk... and these circles are the ears!" I exclaimed. I moved it from side to side and lightly squeezed his walnuts. "Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle. Just a little bit of... SWING!" I sang loudly and moved it quite violently.  

He growled at me to get on with it and I rolled my eyes. Girls just wanna have fun! Clearly, this man can't take a joke. Whatever. I managed to aim correctly somehow and slowly sank onto him. "Wow, that feels so good," I blurted. But then I began to feel sleepy and I laid on top of his chest, with his snake twitching inside me. 

"What are you doing? Move." 

"Can't you see? I'm planking." My arms rested on each side of me and I tried -tried, being the keyword- to straighten my legs. "I bet no one ever tried planking while doing the deed. Setting the world record, hah! We need to record this." 

Apparently he had enough of my awesomeness and pushed me away so that I was once again, sitting on him. He began to thrust and I began to ooh like a wild monkey escaping from a zoo. I felt the world around me begin to spin as he pierced me with his dagger. "Just keep spinning, just keep spinning!" I yelled. Sasuke told me to be quiet as it was killing the mood.  

Then he asked me, "You like that, baby?" 

"YOU like that, baby?" I parroted him. 

"Yeah. So sexy," he mumbled. Sweat dripped off his eyebrows and I wiped it off. You're welcome, boo. 

"Yeah. SO sexy," I repeated. 

He didn't seem to notice and grunted. I mimicked the grunting sound. And then we began to communicate like civil apes. I kid you not, it was one of the most serious conversations we've ever had and I was so enlightened. 

After a few minutes, some type of feeling overtook me. It was so intense, I began to laugh. "It- feels- so damn- good," I said between hiccups and laughs. I giggled and giggled until he told me to shut the eff up and enjoy it because his pumper wasn't going to feel so pumped up anymore if I kept killing the mood.  

I moved with him as my snickers finally died down. In the heat of the moment, I screamed with pleasure, "Oh yes, Itachi! Right there Itachi! HIT THAT SPOT!" I shuddered and squeezed the life out of his ferret until he planted his little white babies inside me. Sasuke groaned out my name and I flopped against him, sleep beginning to overtake me. 

There was nothing but heavy breathing and quiet words of "that was good" and "one more time". 

"... Who's Itachi?" Sasuke muttered with drowsiness. 

Oh shit. "Um... your weasel's name, duh. Go to sleep babe. I love you so much." 

 Hah, hope you enjoyed this ridiculousness c; Please continue to comment your thoughts~ Thank you! <3 The feedback is just amazing!