Bedroom Disasters [Sasuke x Reader]

YAY!

Let's get one thing straight: I am frustrated. Why? Because I haven't had Sasuke's rod inserted in my rod holder for a week now. All we've been doing is cuddling, kissing and some heavy petting. But it's not enough because in a Rated R movie between Sasuke and I, I need some in and out action! However, so far, so good; there haven't been any accidents ever since we've become nuns and priests.

Bruises are fading, but not my libido.

So I came up with the brilliant idea to pleasure myself by purchasing some nice toys. Granted, I've never tried any of these in my life but there's always a first for everything, right?

As usual, I did my research on the types of toys that are most pleasurable for the woman. Interestingly enough, it seemed the ones made from glass made the ladies swoon and shiver in their beds at night. But knowing me, I wasn't decisive enough so I ended up buying quite a few without Sasuke's knowledge.

Now here I am, having some fun with ChiChi, one of my new toys. He's actually a small egg that easily slips inside me and activate when I say so with the remote control. And then boom, action! He loves to be naughty and shake until I break.

I was almost on the edge of reality and into fantasy, mentally thanking ChiChi for these wonderful feelings but in the next second, Sasuke barged in without warning. Really, his shocked face doesn't even do wonders for me anymore. However, it did startle me and break my focus of concentration.

"Sasuke, what the - ooh - hell are you - that feels so good - doing?" I panted to him. In my slight shame I hurried to remove the egg, only to further push it deeper into my hidey hole. "Oh no, no, no," I muttered with panic. "Bad things cannot be happening again."

"What the hell are you doing?" Sasuke asked with a no-nonsense tone.

I reached for the remote control and pressed the off button. It seemed to vibrate even more strongly and without further ado, I went to Heaven. Yep, sorry Sasuke, you weren't the one to get me off this time.

As I was busy reaching Nirvana, he stomped over to me and grabbed the remote from my hands. "Hey! What are you doing?" I protested.

"Stopping it." He turned to the back cover of the small device and removed the batteries. "There, that should stop it. Why did you buy these without telling me?" His eyes were narrowed towards me, conveying an expression of hurt.

"Because... Because - Ooh, I'm really sensitive!" I wailed, squirming around. "ChiChi is still inside me!"

"But I took the stupid batteries out. What kind of name is ChiChi?" he muttered. He squatted down and turned my legs to face towards him. His eyes squinted as he attempted to make out the small ball.

Excuse you Sasuke, it was named after your older, hotter brother named Itachi, thank you very much.

"Can you - can you take him out of me?" I was gasping at this point and my legs were shaking uncontrollably. "Oh I think I'm... I'M A MONK REACHING NIRVANA AGAIN! Ooh, Sasuke you should try this. I mean, I don't think any monk has reached Nirvana twice let alone once but ohhh-" I broke off, reveling in the sensations ChiChi gave me.

Apparently he had had enough and stated matter-of-factly, "Pee it out."

"Pee it out?! I have no pee! I can't!"

Sasuke began to soothe me. "[Name], focus and push." He pat my leg with compassion and sympathy. "Come on, on the count of three we push."

"Are we really doing this right now?" I shot him a mighty glare as I breathed heavily. Just to get my emphasis across, I slapped his hand away.

He started to say, "I think you're dilated right now so you should push..."

"Shut the hell up before I smack the Japanese out of you. WHEN DID YOU BECOME AN OBSTETRICIAN? I'M NOT EVEN PREGNANT-"

"One, two, three, PUSH!" Sasuke overtook my voice quite loudly and on his command, I pushed. But I still felt ChiChi deep inside of me. "Again," he said. "One, two, three, PUSH!"

"Oh god, I think he's slipping out - Catch him, catch ChiChi!"

Plop.

I saw ChiChi land right on Sasuke's hand. I smiled at him with weariness. "Isn't he beautiful?"

"Yeah," he replied dully. "He's beautiful."

My eyes lit up at the recent idea that invaded my head. "Stay right here. I need to get something." I ran out of the room with my bare tushtush flashing my great boyfriend - who still held ChiChi in his hands, isn't that wonderful? - and practically zoomed down into the kitchen and back into the bedroom.

"What the fuck is that?" Sasuke queried when his eyes zeroed in on the item I held in my hand.

"This, my dear boyfriend, is Sasuke #2." I held up a glass peen for him to observe even further. His eye twitched. "Why is it named after me?"

"I decided not to get the rubber ones because I can freeze these, ya know? They're great for temperature, not to mention easier to wash. So anyways, I thought, if he's cold like you, why not name it after the love of my life?"

He sighed a deep, deep sigh. "Am I not enough for you?"

I snapped my fingers at him. "Oh, I'm sorry. Are you home when I'm home and lonely sometimes? I didn't think so. Just think of this as your detachable dingie."

"Hn. Fine."

"If you really wanna make it up to me... Suck on it."

"What?" He gave me a look that would send others chills down their spines.

"I want to see my man sucking on a peen. Is that so wrong?"

"I'm not gay," he immediately said.

"What? Are you homophobic? Is that it? Why you hatin'?"

"No I-"

"Can I put it in your fannyhole?"

"WHAT? NO-"

"Yep, you're homophobic."

"[Name], I'm not-"

"Then turn around and bend over." I crossed my arms, unrelenting in my desire. "Sasuke, if you wanna get in this fruit cup again you're gonna have to comply with either or."

He held his hands in defeat. "I'll do it for one second."

I shook my head. "Nuh uh. Five seconds." I could have sworn he growled at me and his eyes turned red for just a split second but he roughly grabbed Sasuke #2 from me.

And Heaven must love me today because he began sucking on it! I clapped my hands with joy and shouted, "YES!" He looked so dang sexy with his mouth wrapped around that cold popsicle. Five seconds had passed and he continued with his ministrations. I raised my hands and said, "Whoa, you like that huh? Did I discover a new hobby of yours?"

He shook his hand and frantically pointed to his mouth. He made muffled sounds before I got the point.

"Oh - oh my god, is Sasuke #2 stuck to your mouth?"

He nodded quickly, his eyes widening with horror.

And I laughed hysterically, my eyes crying jumbo tears.

To be continued... ;D Please leave your comments! <3 I'm glad everyone finds this story hilarious. Thanks for your support and love!