Love Consequences (Season 2 of Nata & Phillip's Romance)

2: Because I want to

Nata

Phillip's warm palm rests on my stomach over his gray T-shirt that serves as my nightgown. With a variety of guest bedrooms in the house, I should've insisted on sleeping by myself, but I couldn't fathom being alone.

The stress of what getting my period meant made the ninety-minute drive to the duplex seem insurmountable. Thanks to last night's shower, the pads that Lynn brought me, and a change of underwear she provided, assuring me it has never been worn, the traces of last night's mess are gone from the outside of my body. Pain pills took care of most of the cramping. The remnants of the dull ache below my navel I can take. It is the spasms in my chest I can't handle.

My heart is broken again.

Despite my swollen eyes and dry mouth, I try to take a deep cleansing breath to focus on the positive energy. But the new crack that runs next to the crater my sister's death created sends a pang into my throat. I grind my teeth, keeping a tighter hold on my heart.

I've been through grief before. I can survive this. I can move forward. I must.

I burrow deeper into the mattress and concentrate on the pillowy softness of the comforter and the quiet darkness that surrounds me. I can't sleep, but I linger under the covers for another second, another minute, another hour, before I must deal with whatever is next.

As the morning light creeps through the edges of the blackout shades of Phillip's bedroom, my pulse speeds up. Every decision I made last night replays in my head. Did I make a mistake by staying here? Was this whole deal a mistake? I tense.

Phillip's solid chest behind me moves with the slow, shallow breaths of someone still sleeping. My skin tingles where the air from his nose hits the curve of my neck. Calm travels over the bunched up muscles of my shoulders, and I let go of my doubts. Even if our deal was a mistake, I have Phillip with me: an island of certainty in the stormy sea of my life. I love being next to him, not because I must, but because I want to.

Without an audience of Phillip's perceptive eyes, I allow myself to press into his body and sync my inhales to his. We breathe in tandem. My pulse responds by slowing its pace. I lower my eyelids and the noose of anxiety around my throat loosens.

What would my life be like if this morning were an average one, not an exception, a norm and not an indulgence? What would our lives be like? My hand covers Phillip's on my abdomen.

I should sneak out of his embrace and drive home, but I want to do none of that. My willpower hovers around zero. The only desire I have is to forget the demands of real life.

"Hmm." Phillip's nose rubs against the back of my head. "You didn't run away." He brings me closer into himself, as if I'd use his words as a command to sprint.

"I promised not to run anymore." I twist in his arms to face him.

His lips glide into a languid smile. "Good morning." Phillip's hand moves from my stomach to my hip, to my arm, sending tranquil waves across my skin. He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. "How did you sleep?"

"Surprisingly well." I graze his light stubble with a pad of my finger. He always shaves before I see him in the morning. This less polished version of Phillip is one facet of him I've never seen. I want to see them all. I mash my chest into his and lift my chin. I feel every inch of him pressing along my thigh. "You?"

"Better than I should've." He moves his hips away from mine. "Having you right next to me, making sure you're okay, was the biggest comfort." He touches my cheek with his knuckles. "How are you feeling?"

"Better than I should've." I run my tongue over the dry cracks of my bottom lip. "Staying in bed this late has its perks, but now I'll be late for work."