Closer // Graham Coxon

safe place

-

over the span of the next few days, you spent more evenings with graham. you two shared many laughs, memories and sunsets. he made you tea everyday, he insisted upon it. the taste of the tea and his company grew finer day by day. he still kept his secret in tact all thru this and thankfully he had forgotten about it mostly by being indulged in your smile, words, thoughts, opinions, just everything. he let you talk all you wanted and he just listened and listened avidly.

-

you watched as the charcoal hue of the black pen mellowed with the white piece of paper bounded in between your sketchbook. you hummed a tune while working on your unfinished drawing and making it darker, more firmer with a pen. he looked at his reflection glooming against the sparkling water hole staring back at him and he noticed the moon looming above his reflection. his heart dropped then his shaky gaze traveled up to your house, he was here in the evening for his guitar lessons but something had brought him back again.

one of your elbows was plopped up on the bed and your feet were crossed in the air as you layed down and focused on your drawing without a care in the world, it was probably around midnight but your creative abilities usually shined better under the moonlight. he felt rain droplets trickle down his face as a buzzing noise overpowered his ears. he was drowning in water, alcohol and last but not least, his own overwhelming emotions. he was paranoid out of his mind. he took steps towards your front door.

your were still working on your drawing but something disrupted the flow. you heard a thud at your front door, something had fallen over and in sync with that you also heard the doorbell going off. you groaned because all this noise had caused you to make a deep dent in your drawing. you couldn't fix it, you had to hurry over to your front door, you noticed the rain was starting to gain pace.

you opened the door and to your surprise you were met with a disheveled and messy looking graham. it took you back to the very first day you met him, he looked like he had been surviving on an island for weeks. he got down on his knees and hugged your waist tightly, "i missed you so much!!" he said.

your played with his hair while still processing this situation. he felt comfort fill his system as he wrapped his arms around you and felt your touch which he very much craved in that moment. he was quite clingy while drunk. he felt paranoid, sappy, cynical, sorrowful and like he was in danger. you came to his mind as a safe place.

"are you okay?" you felt the desperation in his hug. he was like a thirsty wanderer in a desert and you were his water.

"hold me-" he mumbled under his breath and embraced you even tighter. you wanted to ask him many questions, he had just shown up out of the blue looking worryingly unwell but you knew he needed this hug from you more than anything.

you and him shared a moment of silence, not an awkward one but a peaceful one. his heart rate grew slower while the intensity of the rain grew faster. that's the only thing you two heard.

-

you looked at graham sat beside you on your sofa. you had to physically drag him into your house, he refused to stop hugging you. now he was in front of you looking fearful, wide eyed and as uncertain as ever. the moonlight seeping in thru the open window was reflecting against his face, you didn't have time to turn on the lights. graham didn't answer your questions, it was hard to get a single word out of him. he couldn't hear as he was buried deep laced between his emotions. he only held the glass of water you gave him, he didn't drink from it as he was too consumed in his thoughts and feelings. they crashed in like waves.

then suddenly thunder struck and graham quite literally jumped on you, he barely saved the glass of water in his hands from spilling. you took it off him and put it on the table. the fear in his eyes only doubled so you let him use your boobs as a pillow and cuddled him, he jumped and got freaked out every time thunder struck or if any little noise was made. you felt bad for him but he looked cute, you continued to hold him and comfort him physically. he was down and beyond terrified of literally everything. he felt cornered by all his fears, shortcomings and emotions. he had gone thru something depressing and triggering today that you didn't know of.