My Own Way

Chapter 5

Chapter 5

I woke up and I could feel my whole body covered in sweat, the nightmare still imprinted in my head.

I remember my mom being in the very small shower while I was sitting on the bathroom floor.  She always told me to stay close that if the man, Jesse, came into our room she would hear him and would protect me.  The only thing was, she didn't hear him every time.

I heard the locks on our door move and I knew he was coming in.  I couldn't find my voice and seconds later he was in our room looking right at me.

 
With his index finger, he motioned to me to come over and see him, I shook my head no.  I could see he was irritated but then he brought a beautiful doll from behind his back and I was captivated by her beauty.  He motioned again to come and see him, this time I listen.

 
I got up and walked over to him, my eyes never leaving the doll, until I was standing in front of him.

 
He bent down and whispered, "Do you like my new doll?"

I looked at him and nodded my head.  I knew I wasn’t allowed to speak to him, my mother had told me many times before.

"You can have her but on one condition." He said.  I looked at the doll again, then back to him.  I wasn’t sure what the word ‘condition’ meant but I kept listening.

"You can keep her if you call me daddy.  It can be our secret, no one has to know." He whispered.

I didn't know what to say or what to do.  I wanted the doll, she was the prettiest doll I had ever seen but I didn't want to get in trouble.  I knew if I didn't say it, Jesse would be angry.  I'd seen what he could, do a few times, when he was angry but also I didn't want my mom to be angry either.

I opened my mouth and was about to call him daddy when the shower turned off.

"Maybe next time." He whispered, stood back up and walked out the door.  I watched him leave, he closed the door slowly making sure not to make to much noise and then I heard the locks again.

I remember looking at the door and while my eyes filled with tears.  He had left with the pretty doll.

 
I went back to the bathroom as quickly as I could and sat down again on the floor, while wiping my tears that escaped my eyes.  I didn't want my mom to know, Jesse had said 'next time'.  If I didn't tell my mom, he would give me the doll and she could be my baby.  I would take care of her and love her.

 
"Hi baby." My mom had said coming out of the shower.  I gave her my best smile, telling myself not to cry because if I did, she would want to know why and if I told her, I wouldn't get the pretty doll.

 
Looking at my hands, the hands of a 20 year old, they were shaking.  I wished so many nights that I didn’t remember.  I hated it.  I just wanted the thoughts to stop.  I looked around my room and the sun was up.  I wasn't working at the diner today.  Lucas, my boss, didn't give me a shift.  I got up and left my room.

 
"Hey! You're up!" I heard Lisa say loudly.

"Yeah, morning." I said and headed to the kitchen to grab a cup of coffee.

 
"How did you sleep?" She asked.

 
"Fine," I lied, "You?"

 
"Good.  Did you want to hang out today?" She asked me.

 
"I can't, sorry.  I was planning to go to my parents’ house today." I said.  I just wanted to see my mom.  I didn't want to talk but I needed to see her.