Mercy & Fire

9. Something He Could Get Used To

Rovan

The sky was a putrid grey with swirling clouds, lulling me deeper into my stupor. The sharp pain in my right abdomen sent shockwaves of pain through my whole body and heat quickly pulsed where I had been struck with a sword. I thought I would lament in the face of death, but strangely, all I felt was a strange sense of relief.

Blood leaked out of my wound as I laid on my back, clutching weakly at my side. The sound of clanging meta and iron sharpening iron slowly grew farther and farther away despite its close proximity.

Soon the pain became duller, and I grew colder until the cold sensation became a lovely warm glow around my body. My vision grew blurry as I came to terms with the fact that I would die. I had managed to win a few victories already, but I knew that this was likely it for me.

I grasped at the ending strings of my life, grasped the fact that in a moment's time, I would no longer open my eyes. Yet... I only felt peace.

If it ended here and now, I wouldn't have to swallow my pride and grovel at the Queen's feet like a dog. I wouldn't have to see my mother scorn me as she lay wasting away from disease, and I wouldn't have to see my younger sister struggle to care for our mother on her own. After all this time as the head of our broken, dysfunctional family, I would finally be able to rest.

I squeezed my eyes shut, feeling guilt at my selfish desires. My guilt grew into the image of my younger sister's red hair and green eyes flashed behind my eyelids. Her sobbing cries as she watched me ride away from home on horseback toward war echoed in my head. How could I lay here, giving up on life when she was sitting in our small home in Dhernon working night and day to manage our household while I was away? She was only thirteen for goodness sake.

Unknowingly, tears began to flow out of the corners of my eyes. What would become of her now?

I was pitiful, dazed, and could no longer open my eyes. It felt like my brain became dense with fog and I couldn't find my way out. Then, like a sharp knife, a disembodied voice cut through the fog.

We can help you.

The voice made my skin prickle, and what little energy I had left allowed temporary alertness bloom within me.

You die here and poor little Evelyn will waste away with no hope of your return. Your mother will die.  But we can help you.

"How?" I barely rasped out. I knew I didn't audibly say it, rather, I thought it.

Give us your body, and we'll give you the power to defeat everything in your path.

Death seemed like a sweet remedy to all of my problems, but the look of innocence in my sister's eyes -- the same innocence stolen from me and my mother -- convinced me to take the deal.

I didn't say it, but the voices somehow understood my agreement.

That was 4 years ago, and I thought it was the best decision to make at the time. I was barely 19 and had scraped by on the opportunity the queen had given me as a lieutenant under the Commander in Chief. Now though... I found it intolerable. I wished I was six feet under rather than listening to these insufferable leeches try to force their will on me.

You can't allow her to live here! We refuse to cohabitate with that woman.

Cohabitate? That was hardly the case, and I wasn't even sure where she was staying in the palace. I hadn't bothered asking Joaquim because I was exhausted. In fact, I felt a lot more exhausted now than I did the past week in that carriage. I longed for the silent slumber I had gorged myself on during the journey.