RESPIRE (LGBTQIA+)

White Flag

IV. WHITE FLAG

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KAL'S P.O.V

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It had been over a week since I last saw her and touched her physically. It has come to the point of me driving by the school when she finishes in the hope that I can spot her and then see with my eyes that she is still alive and breathing. When I did go past the school, I would never see her, but I knew she didn't attend any classes after school. But if I didn't see her, nor Scott's car leaving me to go over to the house in a last-ditch attempt, she would never seem to be there either. I will ask questions to get the same responses of that she is out or she is with a friend, then I would ask if she has been to school to get the usual reply that Nichole had left in the morning, and maybe she has gone with her friend back to their house. She shows no concern.

When I was the same age as Nichole, Mum set boundaries and made rules with curfews, but it feels like none of that existed anymore. I am not mad about the situation. I was just worried because nothing was adding up. I felt like Nichole had vanished from the face of the earth, yet everyone around me was shrugging like I was overreacting. And as the days pass, this feeling inside me keeps on growing. No matter how much my friends and everyone around me keep on saying that she is fine and that she is a teenager and this is what they do, the feeling that something is wrong will not budge. It only intensifies.

Not getting information or answers from anyone around me, I was left here to feel like I had no other option than to take this into my own hands to find out what was going on, wanting this sick feeling to stop.

"I am asking for one favour," I spoke to Ben when he took a sip of his coffee and looked around the office at the others.

"Kal, we have spoken about this." He sighed when he looked at me finally, his eyes turning soft. "This has to stop."

"I will, please, do this for me." I pleaded when he let out an exasperated sigh but nodded. "Thank you," I smiled feebly, wishing I could kiss him when I took his face into my hands to let go just as quickly so no one noticed. Finally, I felt that sense of relief I had been longing for.

Out of everyone I have shared my concerns with, Ben has been the only one who doesn't think I'm overreacting. He has spoken to me about what could be happening, even asking about my mum and how Scott is. I guess you could say that he helped me understand why he does what he does, but the same as me, we both see no red flags waving around to pull anything up. Maybe I was overreacting, but I still wanted to know that she was okay. I just wanted to stop worrying and let this go.

For most of the morning, I had been asking Ben to phone her school and ask if she was in attendance. If they needed a reason, I told him to say what we would usually say in this circumstance, that he was following up on a request due to someone being concerned about Nichole's welfare and not attending school. I was not expecting the school to go into detail but at least give the outlined answers to what needed to be known.

I felt like my feet had sunk into quicksand when I couldn't physically move them from where I was standing, my eyes not leaving him as he walked over to his desk and typed something into his computer while he waited. He quickly glanced back at me with a halfhearted smile while his attention turned back to the computer as he picked up the phone and punched in a number, his free hand playing around with a pen while he waited for them to answer.

The moment I saw him take a breath in to start talking, I quickly turned my back to him when nausea kicked in. I tried not to think about it, but I had made this phone call a hundred times before to know how they went. The worst outcome here will be that she has not been at school and is currently not there. If she is not there today, I am leaving work to drive to the house to see her for myself, whether Mum or Scott is there. I wanted this paranoia and uneasy feeling to stop.