RESPIRE (LGBTQIA+)

Starting Fresh

VII. STARTING FRESH

ONE MONTH LATER...

STARTING A NEW SCHOOL WAS always nerve-racking, but I'm in a town where I'm not known, with people I don't know, but at the same time, they know more about me before they have even met me. This school uniform made me feel so uncomfortable and self-conscious. It made me feel like I was parading around for the world to see what he did. I can handle blouses and ties, which was fine when the last school had them, but being required to wear a skirt no matter how dark or thick the tights, you can see the scars raised beneath the material that was supposed to cover them. Kal tried to get the darkest and thickest she could, but it didn't feel like it would be enough to hide my skin, knowing it would always feel that way.

I had to keep telling myself that I had been in worse positions, with Kal reminding me it was a new start and a fresh beginning, that this was the easiest thing I would do all year while deep inside, I knew she was right. However, she thinks I don't notice she walks on eggshells around me like she is still waiting for me to call it quits when I have had enough, and I know her not being at work and sitting home is driving her crazy. Ben would bring cases to her, claiming he needed her help when she looked like she had lost the will to live.

There's another thing also that Ben and Kal are the only two people I have held conversations with during the last week or so, and during the many talks with the people handling this whole mess, I am only answering with simple responses. When it came to being interviewed to talk about what happened, Kal had requested to be there, telling me not to give one-word answers and that they would want details. During all of this, Ben is the only one who knows the extent of what had happened, and I wasn't sure if he was worried about how I would be during the ordeal or how Kal was because she only knew bits and pieces, not the whole of it. He had gone over the finer details of what had happened, always making sure she didn't have to sit through it, knowing inside she wanted to know everything, but I also knew it was best the less Kal knew since she was already having to handle and deal with so much.

Then, on top of all of this, how am I to act around others my age when I can't keep a conversation going with a stranger without clamming up and freezing? The biggest kick in all of this is they all know. I have seen the media and how it spread like wildfire in a small, even the street I live on seems to know a lot about Kal and me, even though I didn't know what a single one of their names was, so if they know, the people at school know. When I see people whispering and looking my way, I know what they are talking about, and I know it's been the big news of the past month and a bit, no matter how hard Kal has tried to shelter me from it. Today is supposed to be a fresh start, yet I'm at a school where people think they know me.

Letting out a sigh, I finished getting dressed when I took one last look in the mirror at myself with a grimace, my mind kindly reminding me that it could be worse when a light tap on my bedroom door made me look at Kal in the mirror.

It was now her turn to be studied.

We both had similarities that you could tell we were sisters. We both had green eyes, but hers were a light sea green, and mine were dark. Our hair colour was the same chestnut brown, and she was a lot taller than I was and a lot prettier. I would be lying if I said I wasn't somewhat jealous of her. I knew our mother loved her more. She would always talk about Kathleen. While I seemed to be doing everything wrong in her eyes, one thing I could be sure of is that our mother never agreed with nor liked when she decided to get a half-sleeve tattoo on her upper arm that drifted across her back. Other than that, I know Kal was her perfect daughter.

"You look beautiful and smart," she smiled when she complimented me, my eyes glancing back at myself. "Are you ready?" she asked when I nodded in response.