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Chapter 17

My toes wiggled in the bulky black boot strapped to my foot as I tried to listen to the seemingly endless instructions Raven was listing off for me to follow for the next few days. My attention kept drifting to my mate beside me, who was fiddling around with his phone while he waited for us to wrap up.

Not many wolves had cell phones. There wasn't much need for one, since most wolves could mindlink and never traveled far from their territories. Although floating wolves could not mindlink, we received our instructions through written instruction or if we had to speak face to face, it was funneled through the omegas of the pack, whose status wasn't much better than ours.

Even so, I wasn't surprised Rowen had a phone since he had to communicate often with other Alphas and high authorities amongst the other packs. It didn't look like he was doing anything important now, though, despite the hard determination in his eyes. He was just racing a kid on top of a bunch of graffiti-covered subways.

I still had trouble believing I was actually in his presence, barely a few centimeters away, and he allowed it. He wanted to stay by my side. He wanted me. It felt like a dream and the second I splashed my face, it would all wash away and I would return to being a worthless servant forced to hide in the shadows while I watched my mate from afar.

Doubt was shoving at the door of my mind, demanding to be let in and seize my emotions. What if this wasn't real? What if this was a ploy to pull down my defenses and allow me to taste the sweetness of my mate, of love, before it was ripped away so I would suffer for even thinking I would actually stand a chance at being an average wolf. It would be far worse than any punishment I could ever receive.

The familiar dark shadow of anxiousness began to surround me like a cape and the walls of my lungs constricted tightly, leaving little room for me to breathe. Raven's voice faded to background noise, replaced with whispering echoes of dark, dangerous thoughts. I knew I needed to calm down. Think of something else. Otherwise, they would notice and I would have to explain. I would have to tell Rowen. My head began to throb. Thinking about it only made it worse.

Breathe, Marielle. Breath. I repeated in a feeble attempt to remind my lungs how to operate.

The voices returned, one louder than them all as it choked me with its deadly collar. It was my own, but so dark, so cold, I almost couldn't recognize it. 

Pathetic little girl. Blind from the dark. Veiled from the light. They seek to destroy you. Do what you do best. Run far from here and never look back.

No. I wanted to shove it out of my mind, but it stayed no matter how much I tried to discard it.  

So much trouble you've already caused. Soon, your mate will grow tired. He will abandon you. My blood ran cold as the voice grew deep and sinister, an unfamiliar laugh sending shivers up my spine. He will kill you. Come to me, little one. Come to-

I felt a hot, burning sensation across my cheek followed by a sharp sting from my hand. Oxygen flooded back to my lungs as I was reeled back to reality and the hushed voices fell into silence.

Snap out of it, Marielle. Don't listen. He only wants to hurt you. My wolf hissed, her glowing yellow eyes flashing in my mind like a cautious street light. My mind felt hazy trying to gather what just happened. What was that voice? Who was it? Was it something I conjured in my imagination or was it real? And my wolf....

She slapped me. Well, technically I slapped myself, but I had no control over my actions. My wolf made me slap myself.

My eyes grew wide in disbelief. She had never done that before. The most I ever got from her were a few complaints at most, but she never crossed the lines into controlling my domain. It took too much strength for her to conquer my mind, even if I willed her to, but she pushed through the barrier and it was enough to pull me out of the dark hole I was dragging myself into.